I think I just have to get this off my chest...
So, as it's almost June and my pill pack is coming to it's end, I decided to approach DH again about our TTC plans. And: we're OFF again. I can't say I'm surprised as I only ever half believed it when he last said that we should go ahead in June, but I'm still disappointed.
So DH basically said what he'd said before: He's worried about finances, yet admits that the financial impact wouldn't really be felt. I think what it boils down to is that he's not emotionally/mentally ready for another baby. We talked to and fro about our financial situation and finally he admitted that he's just not ready for a baby, and feels that he's not a good Dad as it is, and how could he cope with two? I'm half annoyed and half saddened by this. It's sad that he think's he isn't a good parent; but it also really bugs me because clearly he is. Teddy adores his Daddy and loves spending time with him. DH loves Teddy to bits and even though it took him a while to bond, now that Teddy's older he likes to play with him and take him places. It is true that he is rather impatient sometimes (DH must be the shortest-fused man on the planet, LOL) but he has improved so much.
Oh well, I guess there isn't anything I can do about this. It is so incredibly frustrating. We finished our talk by agreeing to "negotiate" again in a month's time. I guess that's the best I could get him to agree to.
Well, now for the rave part! We have been looking at a few houses so far, and nothing really suited us. Now a few weeks ago I noticed that one of the houses in our village stood empty. We made a few enquiries (I know lots of the old people in the village, who love to gossip and now everything about everybody!) and found out that ithad been let, but the people moved out a few months ago; and the owner had previously tried to sell the house. We found out the name and address of the owner and sent him a letter asking if he was interested in a private sale. So he rang us back and said he was! Last weekend, we met him and looked at the house.
Now, the house is in quite a state - actually, it looked like a tip! After the tenants had moved out (without giving notice so no one knew it was empty) a pipe had burst and flooded the house. So all the walls, ceilings and floors had been stripped bare. BUT - I loved the house. It was easy to look past the superficial state of it and to see what a great home it would make. I could see us living there. I could envisage our furniture there. Teddy's room is so big and beautiful it almost made me cry. And because of the damage, all the walls and ceilings will be freshly plastered and painted; and we could start "from scratch" with this house and really put our stamp on it and have everything the way we want it. Of course this means that a lot of work will have to be done but I don't mind that; it will give us something to do for the next 10 years, ha ha!
As for the house itself it's a three bed semi-detached on a corner plot, so it has got (for English standards) a very big garden. It has got an outbuilding attached to the side with a hallway and three further rooms (one is a WC). As it's in our village we wouldn't have to move far and would stay in the same school catchment area :-)
We are applying for mortgage approval at the moment, and then we will make our offer... so that's the catch: We will offer a lot less than the house is worth. But we had to take into consideration how much needs to be done, and what we can afford! I looked up how much it was on the market for when he tried to sell it - £240K, but then that was in 2007, at the height of prices (and it didn't sell!). We will offer £185K and just hope and pray that he'll accept it (or at least that we can get it for under £200K); so keep your fingers crossed for us!
The other good thing about the house business is that IF it goes ahead, I know that will put DH's mind to rest so much!! Which would then have a positive effect on our TTC plans... ;-)
If you made it here - thanks so much for reading. I just needed to get it all out!