Today Sean's therapist agreed with our AS diagnosis. She said she had been considering it for a while (yeah, sure) but was worried how we would process it. She wanted me to read the "official" dx in the Psych Guide (which I already had). I think she was a little worried I was so relieved!
But a "normal" kid who behaves the way Sean does, is headed for serious trouble. Now I know that the "I hate you" isn't really directed at me...or maybe it is...but it somehow doesn't carry as much weight. Now the tantrums have meaning. Now I know he isn't just "being difficult" or "being a brat" or "being spoiled".
Sure I'm sad for all the things I've lost...and the troubles we will face. I came home from the therapist with a call from one of Sean's classmate's mom. Sean has said mean things to her son and hurt his feelings. When I confronted DS he admitted it (he cannot lie) and just said he doesn't like the boy. This does make me sad...for the birthday parties and playdates that won't happen, school events he won't attend, things he just will refuse to participate in.
Now a question....who have you told and how? I said something to my mother but don't want to say anything to my dad and step mom. They won't react well (only because they think the boy can do no wrong and that his problems are everyone else's--including my---fault). Also, my sister is mentally challenged and I KNOW my parents would end up telling Katie who would end up telling Sean....
Do I tell the parents who call with concerns or just apologize and thank them for callling (knowing they think I'm a terrible mother for letting my son behave that way)?
And have you told your kids? If so, what? I found a camp that specializes in Aspergers....so how do we explain it?
I know that teachers will know because of the eventual IEP, but what about others in the community. Do you treat it as "need to know" or what. I don't want the DX to excuse bad behavior, rather explain it. At the same time....I don't want DS to feel anymore different than I know he feels....although I really don't think it would bother him.
Finally, any books you recommend? I have a ton coming from the library, but didn't know if there were particular ones. DH is in a little more denial...he says we treat DS totally normal and that he will "grow out of it". I say we will need to modify punishments accordingly....you cannot effectively punish a kid who cannot read...you cannot punish a kid who cannot be empathetic. Not to say he can be rude and disrepectful....but I think the discipline will need to be modified....true? And, I don't think DS will "grow out of it" but rather, learn to compensate. He realates WONDERFULLY to adults (which is why I think everyone will be shocked to hear he has AS) so, as he becomes an adult, I think this will be less of a problem.
Sorry I'm so full of questions. Thanks for listening and all the advice.
somegraphx (Sean: 8, Erin: 6)