Hook - "Wading intoThe Deep" (Critiques Welcome!)


Wading into The Deep by Cyndula 12/17/99

Mary Jane drifted awake in slow waves. Each time she began to emerge, she was carried back into slumber. Somewhere, a disturbance intruded - a vague chorus of voices. Uncurious and disinterested, she willingly succumbed to sleep, pulling her like an undertow. But the conversation entered again, and again she was awoken.


a continuation of story posted on last board...


*THE COLOR OF PERIDOTS*

The pull of the water was strong.

At first, after the accident, I was unable to go near water. Even standing in the shower was hard. Then one day, one of my roommates said, “I’m going swimming…want to come?”, and without thinking, I said yes. I guess enough time had passed.


American contests suck


To Whomever is the idiot that chooses eligablility,

I am a 17 year old mother that lives in Ontario Canada, and because of your standards i cannot enter any of your writing competitions. It just so turns out that I have the best memory to share about a holiday, but you don't want to read it! I can't enter because you need to be american and 18. Well that makes me mad. The internet is for everyone around the world, not just americans, so why don't you let other people into your contests, or are you too good for us???


Hi folks, been away, want to come back but having trouble jumping in. n/t



Rewrite of "Post from Archive 16"


Jessica, when you get the chance...


Could I please get feedback on my opening on the last archived post? (I think it's #30, but I can repost it here if that would be easier.)

I would also be interested in your thoughts on the discussion following it about too little backstory/ introduction versus too much, especially since this came up with another opening posted on this board. I guess everyone has to find their own happy balance for their story, but are there any signs we can look for to tell us if we started too early or too late in the story?


I've included parts I posted before, and some more that I have been working on polishing...


December exercise (true story and repost)


Jessica


Sorry I missed the class. I couldn't get into the chat room. I emailed the helpline, I'll see what they say. In the meantime, I did get the story (a slightly more edited version) onto the Storyboard. I'll check the class archives when I get home next week to see what you all discussed. Many thanks for your patience. Linda


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