Found Letter to His Ex: What Now?

My boyfriend of 10 months is out of town on a trip. I locked my keys in my car and had to borrow his truck. In his truck I found a letter written a month ago to an ex-girlfriend who is getting married -- a girlfriend I had never heard of. He wrote of me in the letter, saying he had met a wonderful person. But at the end of the letter he wrote, "To the most wonderful person I have ever met. I mean it sincerely." He's never been very forthright about his past, and now this! Do I say something or keep my mouth shut? -- Milissa


Sherry Amatenstein

Sherry is the author of The Q&A Dating Book and Love Lessons from Bad Breakups. She has taught dating seminars, appeared as an expert... Read more

Dear Milissa:

I hereby absolve you of guilt. There's not a woman alive who wouldn't have read a letter addressed in her lover's handwriting to an ex. Especially when he'd been stingy with information about that affair. Come to think of it, there's not a man alive who could have resisted that temptation either.

Here are three things I want you to keep in mind:

1) It's not necessarily indicative of anything substantial that he called this woman "the most wonderful person I have ever met." He wasn't writing this letter while in a rational state of mind. Anyone hearing the news that an ex is getting married automatically puts him or her on a pedestal and succumbs to ridiculous thoughts like, "Oh, God, I'll never get the chance to be annoyed again that Amanda's curly hairs are clogging the sink drain."

2) Even though he was in this hyper-sentimental state, he still referred to YOU as wonderful.

3) He never mailed the letter.

As to whether or not you should "keep your mouth shut" about the nauseating salutation at the end of his drippy epistle, yes and no. Don't tell him you read his mail (that's info to be proffered on a need-to-know basis, and this is info he surely doesn't need to know). However, do say something like, "Honey, I know you don't like to talk about the past, and we don't have to in an in-depth way, but I am a bit insecure and it's important to me that we know the highlights and lowlights of each other's past. So I'm willing to share if you are."

And, finally, Milissa, and most importantly, keep an eye on your keys. Getting locked out can open doors better left shut.

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