Four Misconceptions About Affairs

3. Sex in the marriage has failed and is over.

Sex does not fail, communication does.
Sex in affairs can exist without love.
Sex is not intimacy.
Sex cannot resolve and heal the past.
Sex is not a substitute for low self-esteem.
Sex can be restored.

We are sexual; beings capable of having multiple sexual partners. Intimacy is another story. We rarely have several intimate relationships. Intimate relationships are not easily substituted. A marriage that has undergone the challenge of surviving a sexual detour can be successful in every way. Intimacy can be established. Sex can become an expression of the intimacy the relationship did not have before.

4. An affair means we no longer love our spouse. An affair does not reflect on love as much as it does on our ability to understand ourselves or communicate with another. Affairs mean different things to different people.

From the book Sexual Detours. Copyright 2000 by Holly Hein. Reprinted by arrangement with St. Martin’s Press, LLC, New York, NY Available wherever books are sold.

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