Friendshifts with Jan Yager

Jan Yager: What does he want?
Trueorfalse: See I have been getting serious signals that it could move further, and so how do I communicate that we can be completely fulfilled at this level? We don't see each other that often anyway. Would it be to disappointing to say this face to face and what would I say?
Jan Yager: You have to consider the possibility of being blunt about that because what he wants and what you want seems to be very different.
Trueorfalse: And the biggest question is: How do I know I am mature enough to keep it friendly and nothing more? The attraction is very strong. I've been in anxiety about this for weeks.
Jan Yager: It's not a question of being mature enough, it's a question of you being very clear about what you want. And if what your male friend wants is not the same, standing firm in your goals. But I think that especially for the first question we're getting very far from our basic theme tonight which is platonic friendships you want to keep.
Trueorfalse: Thank you, Dr. Jan.
Jan Yager: Thank you, trueorfalse. Who is next?
NATSXDH: How do you know when someone is truly your friend? And what limits do you place on friendships?
Jan Yager: My research found on average it takes three years from when you meet until you know that someone is a tried and true friend. During those three years a lot of tests will be put on the friendship. I also discovered that what is shared in a friendship does not have to be equal, but the wish to remain friends has to be shared. Therefore whatever limits you and your friend need are the ones to be respected. One friend might welcome long phone calls while the other prefers email so a compromise has to be worked out.

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