Friendshifts with Jan Yager

POOHMLC1: I will try that. Thank you for your time and input. Thanks again. Bye.
Cmtdarden: Dr. Yager, I am close friends with someone from high school and I have been friends with her for over 20 years. She is married with four kids and I am married with one and we live over 600 miles from each other. Is it bad for me to expect her to call sometimes rather, then me calling her all the time?
Jan Yager: Certainly, if you feel that your calling all the time is an unfair way for the friendship to go right now. There are so many options. You also have to consider her financial situation. It may be hard for someone with four kids. Rather than just feel angry or disappointed that the phone calls aren't being shared more equally, you could consider alternatives like writing letters, sending cards, email and even faxes.
Jan Yager: You might even consider giving her a prepaid calling in the hope that she'll call you.
Cmtdarden: It gets me upset when she isn't home and I have to call several times before I get her.
Jan Yager: Another aspect of this is that some people truly hate to use the phone. It's not just you she's not calling -- she's not calling anyone! You really have to find out how the phone fits into her life.
Cmtdarden: That's a good idea to get her a phone card for Christmas. Thanks, that helps. I think it's more a time thing with her, though.
Jan Yager: Another suggestion is to learn more about her life so that you could find a time slot when she's more likely to call. The person who doesn't want to call one night or one day, there may be some timely event occurring it might open up the potential for more phone contact. If it's important to you try to work around this rather than letting it sabotage an otherwise good friendship.

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