Friendship Fiasco: Backing Out as a Bridesmaid
Dear Ms. Demeanor
I was supposed to be maid of honor at a friend's wedding. I had already gone through the planning of the wedding with her, thrown the bachelorette party and held the bridal shower. Two weeks before the wedding, she called me and told me that her and her fiancé discussed me not being the maid of honor and just being a bridesmaid and she wanted to know what I thought. My feelings were hurt and I dropped out of the wedding. Later that day I found out who my replacement is: a girl who has little or no money since she is going to college and working a part-time job. Now I feel as though I was used only because I could afford to throw nicer parties than the other girl could.
Was it wrong of me to back out of participating in the wedding? I have also decided that I will not be attending. After telling my friend (we've been good friends for eight years) that I wouldn't be attending she said that I wasn't a true friend. I don't want to go to the wedding especially when it's my name that is listed as maid of honor. How should I handle this situation?
Beth
Question:Dear Beth
Taking the high road is rarely pleasant, and it won't be here. But I think you should go to the wedding. And I think you should hold your head high and wish the newlyweds all the very best. Smile a lot and say how beautiful everything is. When you are asked what happened, just say, "The bride changed her mind." If pressed for more details, just say, "I really don't know." If anybody is boorish enough to prod beyond that, say, "We're here to celebrate a wedding, so let's do that."
Refuse to gossip about the mess. Yes, your friend is in the wrong. But wouldn't you prefer the other guests to see you as the classy woman you are instead of appearing to sulk?
You should give a (gulp!) wedding gift if you attend the reception. Believe me, I'd make it realllllly modest. If you attend only the ceremony, no gift is required. But if you do just go to the church, make sure you look your very best and are your most gracious. Consider it a variation on the theme, "Living well is the best Revenge."
Ms. Demeanor
Answer:
