Trying to Save a Marriage
Q: How do you know when to work on a troubled relationship, and when to call it quits?
A: There are several ways you know that you have to call it quits. One: when your partner isn't willing to work on the relationship with you. You can't have a relationship when one person is committed to making it work and the other isn't. Two: when you find out that you're not compatible; when your basic values are so different that you're not going in the same direction. And three: when you realize that there's so much emotional damage between you
Most people don't know how to break up properly. We wait too long, pretending it's fine, until we just can't take it anymore. Or we break up because everything is dead; we have no feeling left. It's easier to leave when you don't feel anything for that person, when you don't feel the pain of that dead relationship. But this sabotages yourself, because you have to relearn your ability to feel again
Q: Some people never really divorce themselves from each other. They get the legal piece of paper, but they're never really divorced...
A: If you think you'll be divorced when you stop loving your ex, that's trouble, because you could love him or her for the rest of your life. In fact, if you get divorced in a healthy way, then continuing to love your ex may be a good thing. True divorce happens when you divorce the pattern that caused you to choose the wrong person. Until you do, you'll just get another clone of that person with a different body and a different name, and you're not divorced