Forget sending flowers and candy to the one you love for Valentine's Day. The best gift
The greatest barrier to emotional intimacy is the feeling that you have to be someone different than who you are. Once you change that attitude, you will be on the road to better communication. The next step is learning how to talk and listen in ways that can help you get closer to your partner
1. Accept your partner as he is
2. Focus on what's right about your partner
Click here to discover the four other steps to increasing intimacy and getting closer to your guy:
3. Listen with love: How to truly "hear" your partner
4. Smart talk: How to express your feelings
5. Ask and ye shall receive
6. Become your own best friend
3. Listen with love. Want to know a secret? When a person feels as though he is really being heard, he feels loved. Listening means turning off our own inner monologue and drama and really being there for another person. The person should feel free to say whatever is on his mind. You do not correct, interrupt or bring up another instance when you thought that he was wrong. Instead, by really listening you create an environment where the other feels and is "heard."
To practice this exercise, clear your mind and focus only on your partner and what he is saying to you. Offer no response. Listen carefully and then paraphrase what he said to you, so he knows you are following him. For example, you could say, "I heard you say that you feel you need more space." Stop yourself from commenting or analyzing the statement. Just let him know that you heard him
4. Smart talk. Many people keep things to themselves
5. Ask and ye shall receive. Some people seem to think that if they ask their partner for something
Once you ask for what you want, allow yourself to receive it and offer thanks. When you forget to express gratitude, you leave the giver feeling a bit like a failure. Make sure you let your partner know how much his gifts mean to you. Of course, this goes both ways. Find out what your partner truly desires, and see if you can fulfill his wishes. If either of you has trouble meeting the other's wants and needs, openly discuss what is preventing you from doing so
6. Become your own best friend. You will never get close to a partner unless you like and respect yourself. Self-rejection is one of the major stumbling blocks in a relationship. Often, people blame their partners for the things they dislike about themselves.
The first step in overcoming this: Make a list of things you like and respect about yourself and the things you have to offer in a relationship. What exactly do you want from your partner? Can you give it to yourself? After you answer these questions, decide to focus on the good you have to offer and to slowly eliminate the bad. Treat yourself with kindness and patience. This is wonderful preparation for intimate relationships. When you come to your partner feeling good about yourself, he will feel good about you as well.