Get Inside Men's Minds...

The 5 Things You Really Want to Know About Men!

Ever wonder what a guy was really thinking - but were too afraid to ask? You’re not the only one! We took five of your most-asked questions and got some real answers from a real guy, our resident expert on the male perspective, Mr. Answer Man.

1. Do all men have the same sexual fantasies? And what are they?

Men's sexual fantasies are probably a lot tamer than you think. For the most part, they don't even involve multiple partners, foreign objects or a tight, skimpy French maid's outfit. Male sexual fantasy tends to stick to a very tight formula: hot rambunctious sex with people we aren't supposed to be having it with. This pool is extended to include platonic friends, our girlfriend or spouse's friends and ex-girlfriends who were great in bed.

2. Do men care if their partner earns more money than they do?

Short answer, yes. Even if we try to hide it and say that it’s okay, the truth is that when a woman out-earns us, it’s a blow to our egos. That said, not all of us are comfortable being the breadwinners, either. Being responsible for someone else’s financial stability is a huge amount of pressure. It’s a Catch-22.

3. How can I tell if my partner is cheating?

The issue here is trust. I'll assume, since you ask the question at all, that in some way, you are questioning your partner's commitment, not just to you, but to the truth. And to answer your question, you can't know if your partner is cheating until you're presented with clear, incontrovertible proof. Which leaves us with a far more difficult issue: what to do when you suspect but cannot prove.

Next page: The signs he's cheating.



I could throw out all the stereotypical signs of cheating: he says he has to work late, but when you call the office, no one answers; he avoids intimacy and sex; he talks a lot about a female friend or colleague; he's vague or defensive about where he's been when not with you. But none of these so-called signs are proof of unfaithfulness. In my humble opinion, rather than accusing your partner of infidelity, the safest bet is to address the issue of trust in your relationship in general. Whether by yourselves or in couples counseling, your feelings have to be acknowledged and worked through together if you're ever going to build a genuine, trusting relationship. This is not easy -- only absolutely necessary.

Trust is never a sure thing. It's precious precisely because of how vulnerable it leaves us. But trust upheld is one of life's richest treasures, well worth the risk of being honest about our feelings, no matter how painful. Good luck.

4. What does a guy really think when you have sex on the first date?

He really thinks you're slutty. And that, sister, is not necessarily a bad thing -- depending on what you want out of the relationship, of course. Unless he believes that he's the exception to the rule (in other words, if he doesn't think you fall into bed on the first date with every guy), doing the horizontal boogie so early on means your relationship is going to be mainly about sex. When you're making plans for future dates, he'll be thinking of you on the dinner table rather than across it. However, if you wait and get to know each other on an emotional level and let the physical follow, then the relationship can be about both. The exception: If you two have been friends for a while, then hit the sheets on your first "official" date, don't worry -- your relationship can be hot and heavy.

5. Why do men come crawling back after they break up with you?

Let me be blunt. A man comes crawling back after a breakup because he'd gotten used to a certain something that he's no longer getting and is now panicking in the face of a biological drive -- at the expense of your feelings and his pride.

Next page: The exceptions to the rule.



There are two exceptions to this rule, and both have to do with the time frame of the ''crawl back.'' First, if your guy comes crawling back immediately, he's probably being genuine -- pathetic, but genuine. He realizes he's made a terrible mistake and really does want to make the relationship work. Also, if months and months have passed, you can be pretty sure that he's really thought about it, truly misses you and (finally) realizes what a great gal you are. But if he calls you, say, two to three weeks after he walked out of your life, do not be fooled. It only means he's been unable to get his erotic needs fulfilled and has succumbed to path-of-least-resistance daydreams about his last partner -- namely, you. Suggest that he try one of the many 900 numbers out there and cross his name out of your address book.

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