Getting Him to Meet Your Desires
Dear Dr. Patti:
Lately I have been dating a new guy, and I simply can't get him to go anywhere near my nipples when we make love. This is a real turn-on for me. I think I even need to have them touched in that way so that I can get into sex. Is there something wrong with me?
A
Question:Dear A,
There is absolutely nothing wrong with you!! Many women find that their nipples are integrally linked to their arousal curve. Nipples are richly endowed with nerve endings and contribute to sexual arousal in most women and reportedly in gay men as well. Hetero men do not report the same response, probably due to their lack of permission to explore this sensitive gateway to their own pleasure.
The breasts are a distinct part of female sexual anatomy--not just objects to be admired or commercialized. During arousal, the nipples become aroused, erect and darker in color.
Because your nipples are particularly sensitive and require some form of manipulation during foreplay, it's not only your right but your responsibility to tell your new partner that this is something that's important to you and your sexual satisfaction. Most men want to please their partner, so telling him what stimulates him ought to be enough to get him doing it. (If he is unconcerned about pleasing you, then you have more serious problems than meets the nipples!)
If words don't feel right, you might guide his hand or mouth toward the desired place. Above all, know that this is your pattern and it's perfectly natural for you. If he will not provide you with the touch you are longing to have, then touching your nipples with your own fingers, slightly or harshly pinching them, might provide the stimulation you seek.
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