Getting Over a Friendship

For a while I'd been noting a degree of competition and one-upmanship in my interactions with my best friend of many years. Suddenly, she couldn't be happy for me and put me down subtly, hurting my feelings. Naturally, my resentment grew. I finally asked about all of this, but she denied that anything was bothering her. Everything hit the fan when I recently told her some wonderful news and she promptly and rudely burst my bubble. I was very hurt and let her know. Now she's mad at me, saying I can't handle anyone "disagreeing" with me, that I have a terrible temper and that it would be better if we didn't talk anymore! I'm flabbergasted -- I grieve at the loss of someone I considered to be a true friend, and am unsure if there's anything I should do.



Dear Dutiful:

This same thing happened to me ten years ago, and I recall feeling totally unnerved one day when I thought my "friend" would be at a party I was attending. You would have thought I had just broken up with a boyfriend -- I was 16 the last time I felt that way! Such a stew of emotions. I truly understand how you feel.

You are wise to know that you must grieve. Right now things seem too tense to attempt a calm talk. You need nurturing, so concentrate your energies on taking care of yourself. When you're ready, try to get rid of any anger you feel when thinking of your friend, even if you have to write affirmations every single day for a while. Otherwise, you will be tethered to her and thus unable to move forward. Send your friend only good thoughts and never speak ill of her. After all, a lot of you is invested in that relationship. You're a part of her and she's a part of you. Honor that.

In time, your friend might see that you were loyal. She might attempt to get in touch. In my own case, it took ten years and we were different people when we reunited, so the relationship never will be the same. But I'd like to think that we are both better people, especially for having each other.

Perhaps you will have the same experience. I truly hope so.

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