Getting Over a One-Night-Stand

Over the holidays, I met a wonderful guy. He pursued me so intensely that there was no way I could resist him. After several days of this, we ended up in bed together, and I had the most wonderful and amazing experience of my life. The problem is he has made no contact with me since. I've cried enough to fill Lake Erie. As you can see, I fell for him badly, and now I can't imagine living without him. I know this whole relationship sounds fast and impulsive, but he seems to have touched a chord in me that has never been touched before. Should I go find him and try to speak with him? If not, how can I get over him? --cbellah28


Sherry Amatenstein

Sherry is the author of The Q&A Dating Book and Love Lessons from Bad Breakups. She has taught dating seminars, appeared as an expert... Read more

Dear cbelleh28:

Unfortunately, dear cbelleh28, you sound like a recent sufferer of the ailment I call mistletoe mania (MM). With the holiday season come longings to meet someone with whom to share home and hearth. Without an inoculation, your resistance to a carrier of MM was nil. His fever for you ignited yours for him -- a classic path of this viral imp. But his temperature fell first -- another typical trait of MM.

Indeed, this holiday lover sparked something in you: that poignantly painful longing for love. But what you shared was a blazing crush, two people latching onto each other to play out their solo fantasies rather than getting to know each other in a painstakingly slow but real fashion. Did this near-stranger really touch a chord in you that has never been touched before, or is that the fever talking? Can you really not imagine living without him?

Don't berate yourself for falling victim to this bug, but don't stay hooked under its infectious spirit-dulling haze a moment longer than necessary. Some cheering-up suggestions: Buy yourself something totally frivolous and fun; make lots of plans with nurturing friends; do some volunteer work; and, yes, go to more parties to check out more men (but stay away from mistletoe). Here's to a speedy and full recovery!

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