The Ghost of John Mayer

Somebody get John Mayer on a plane to Hawaii -- stat! When I saw this picture of John I actually screamed. I thought, "Did he (heaven forbid) die and someone forgot to tell me?" That boy is way too pale for my blood.

Okay, I'll admit that I might be a bit tanorexic, and even though I know it's bad for me, tend to hit a tanning bed every now and then. But it's just so that I don't wind up scaring the neighbors -- like John would surely do. Against a bed, John? Look into a spray tan. Please. Now. Photo: X17online.com

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