Giving Your Guy a Makeover
This is so silly, but I don't know what to do. I've met a great guy who treats me wonderfully, but I can't stand the thought of making love to him because of two tiny, little physical features of his.
First, he has lots of hair sticking out of his nose (They're so long that they actually tickle when he kisses me!) and secondly, he has very brown teeth. It looks like he's never been to a dentist. (He is European, but still!)
Other than that, he's wonderful. He smells wonderful, he talks wonderfully, has a great job, great morals and a great sense of humor. Everything about him is wonderful except his teeth and nose hairs! So, the problem is this. My motto has always been, "You cannot change a man, so don't even try." But I really like him, and I'm hoping that if I tell him that these are the only two problems I have with him, that he might clip his nose hair and go to a dentist to get his teeth cleaned. He definitely has the money for a dentist!
But I don't want to hurt his feelings. If a guy told me these things, I would probably be so embarrassed, I'd never speak to him again! Should I just stop dating him and find a guy with short nose hair and decent teeth? Believe me, decent teeth would be a 100 percent improvement."
Sherry Amatenstein
Sherry is the author of The Q&A Dating Book and Love Lessons from Bad Breakups. She has taught dating seminars, appeared as an expert... Read more
Dear lamchop897987:
The spirit of your motto is correct: You cannot change a man. That is, you cannot change his personality, neuroses, habits, etc. However, the things you want him to alter are cosmetic rather than intrinsic.
As a recent immigrant, he's not ensnared in America's looks-obsessed culture. Thus, he's probably unaware how truly revolting his nose hairs and ugly teeth are to the average U.S. citizen. Since he chooses to live among people who believe as you do (yes, me too), it would be a public service to inform him of the reason why most people he comes in contact with probably look anywhere but at his face.
Be diplomatic. Next time you kiss him (close your eyes and think of Brad Pitt), tell him afterwards, ''Honey, your tongue makes me melt. Wow! But can I ask a small favor? Your nose hairs tickle me and it's a wee bit distracting. Can you trim them?''
Since dental hygiene is much more involved than simply snipping a couple of stray hairs, tackling the teeth is a whole new ballgame. And like most relationship requests, hinting is one thing, but there's no need to go passive aggressive on the poor guy. Either casually mention your next dentist appointment to him and hope he catches on, or just come right out and tell him how you feel. If you do opt for honesty, be nice, but keep it brief. It's not going to make it any easier if you go on and on about how wonderful your conversations are, how great his new cologne smells, etc., because once you get to the teeth part, he'll just think that your compliments were insincere. Instead, take a deep breath and point out that you think his smile would be even better with a nice cleaning and polish. At that point he'll either get with the program or you'll know it's time to change the station.
What does Mr. Answer Man have to say about changing your man? Find out here.
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