Photo Credit: Stephen Lovekin/Getty
Last July, I pondered the link between the confidence-eating curses of men and women everywhere: Baldness and cellulite, respectively. As I sat on the bus, staring at a sea of cue ball backs-of-heads I realized how many more Bruce Willises there are than Robert Pattinsons. That’s where my NeverSayDiet mentality clicked in. Imagine a little light bulb clicking on above me on that bus, a look of mild alarm widening my eyes. “Maybe,” I thought, “being bald is for men what cellulite is for women.”
After all, consider these commonalities shared by both scourges:
-Women and men go to extreme lengths to fix both cellulite and baldness, including surgery, drugs, makeup, pills and more.
-Cellulite and baldness afflict the vast majority of our respective sexes (making butts like this and heads of hair like this statistical freak shows), yet we constantly strive to rally against nature.
-Mature members of the opposite sex most likely don’t even notice cellulite or baldness, yet we let it define how we feel about ourselves.
-Bald men and women with cellulite often feel self-conscious, undesirable and tend to zoom in on our perceived flaw every time we look in a mirror.
-Both are, more or less, totally out of our control.
But for those of you with baldies in your life who you know are less than thrilled with their shiny tops, I’ve got good news: According to a new study in Cancer Epidemiology, hair loss before age 30 is associated with a lower risk of prostate cancer later in life – a none-too-shabby 29% reduction, in fact.
''The longer you have the baldness, the more the protection," said study co-author Jonathan L. Wright, MD, an affiliate investigator at the Fred Hutchinson Cancer Research Center in Seattle and assistant professor of urology at the University of Washington School of Medicine in Seattle
This is actually excellent news for my 85-year-old grandpa, who invented jogging: He’s been bald since the first non-leaking ballpoint pen was invented in 1935, and he’s still kicking it, swimming three times a week and working as a forensic CPA practically full time.
And, I’m proud to say, he’s never once worn one of those “I’m not bald: It’s a solar panel for a sex machine!” tee shirts.
So ladies, email this blog to your favorite baldie and give him a feel-good prostate pick-me-up. Of course, if he replies with a link to the Spanx website, he sleeps on the couch for the rest of 2010.