Gossip Girl Recap: September Issues

Well, that was certainly a GG premiere. Painful exposition, repetitive old tropes and constant discussion of the "transition" we're sure to see in all the characters once the season really starts... And not much else. Well, Vanessa's weave looks like Samuel L. Jackson playing yet another homeless/savant/caveperson, but at least her ability to clothe herself has improved. However, with her new buddy -- the Wentz-Navarro eyelinered Pilot Inspektor, who makes Aaron Rose look like twice the thespian and half the stalker -- egging her on, she becomes twice the Lisa Simpson she's been up to this point. Hopefully her obsession with the contents of Dan's pants (in this case a designer wallet full of Lily's money) will go away as quickly as it has the last three or four times we've had to listen to her bang on and on about how Dan can't "be himself" in a hand-me-down suit.

First and forever chucker Rufus is adapting just fine to the sweet life, thank you very much, without regard to his previous and inevitably future whining about Scary Evil Money. He moons around as per usual pretending to give a sh*t about his kids, in this case Serena, then sighing audibly with relief the second they lie baldly enough to let him off the hook. And what with his secret son crawling up his ass about Lincoln Hawk under the guise of being Vanessa's even-pushier boytoy, he's already in heaven anyway. I really hope Scott goes off chain at some point and ties Rufus to that bridge. But even moreso, I hope he stops making that one face.

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