Gossip Girl - The Serena Also Rises

...XO! Lily's got secrets! Secret number one: Mapplethorpe photographed her in his latter days, probably with a bullwhip up her "bellybutton." Secret number two... HER NINETIES LOVE CHILD WITH RUFUS HUMPHREY. Okay, not totally sure about that one. But it's big, it's bad, and Bart's none too happy about it. In other boring grownup news, Jenny is still the only adult on this show. As she will have you know. Rufus and Jenny have all manner of fights about how Jenny's been skipping school for weeks to avoid getting abused by the Plastics, but eventually she once again tells him that she can do whatever the heck she wants, and is dropping out for good. Which is fine, because -- get this shit right here -- he would have done the same thing at her age, if he'd been as talented as her. Jenny has got it ALL FIGURED OUT.

Serena has been hanging out with celebutante Poppy Lifton as part of her ascension to the throne, which Jenny leverages to fill out Eleanor Waldorf's front row at Fashion Week. Of course, Jenny doesn't realize she's bumping the Plastics when she does so, wrecking weeks of scheming by old Blair-Bear to get back in with them again. Needless to say, between Serena being fabulous without her and getting sabotaged so close to home, Blair goes insane to a degree we haven't seen since Serena came back from boarding school. In an effort to screw Serena and Jenny at the same time, she causes all the models to disappear into thin air, and then when Jenny tries to salvage the show by replacing them with Serena and her A-list friends, she sends S down the runway in a dress of Jenny's design, thereby attempting to ruin Jenny, Eleanor and Serena in one fell swoop.

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