Grief and Grieving

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Coping with grief

Home treatment plays an important role in working through the grieving process. Talking about the loss, sharing cares and concerns, and getting support from others are very important components of healthy grieving.

If you are caring for a dying loved one, it is important to take good care of yourself also. When you know that a loss is approaching, especially if you are able to participate in the care of a loved one who is dying, you may be better able to recognize and deal with your feelings of grief. It is important that you get caregiver support to help you care for your loved one as well as to help you prepare for your loss.

If you have just had a major loss in your life, it is important to:

  • Get enough rest and sleep. During sleep, your mind makes sense of what is happening in your life. Not getting enough rest and sleep can lead to physical illness and exhaustion. Try activities to help you relax, such as meditation or guided imagery.
  • Eat nourishing foods. Resist the urge not to eat or to eat only those foods that comfort you. If you have trouble eating alone, ask another person to join you for a snack or meal. If you do not have an appetite, eat frequent small meals and snacks. Consider taking a multivitamin daily.
  • Exercise. If nothing else, take a walk. Brisk walking and other forms of exercise, such as yoga or tai chi and qi gong, can help release some of your pent-up emotions.
  • Comfort yourself. Allow yourself the opportunity to be comforted by familiar surroundings and personal items that you value. Special items, such as photos or a loved one's favorite shirt, may also give you comfort. Treat yourself to something you enjoy, such as a massage.
  • Maintain your normal activities. Staying involved in activities that include your support network, such as work, church, or community activities, may help you as you grieve.

To help you work through the grieving process, make sure to:

  • Surround yourself with loved ones. You may feel lonely and separate from other people when you are grieving. You may think that no one else can understand the depth of your feelings. Surrounding yourself with loved ones and talking about your feelings and concerns may help you feel more connected with other people and less lonely.
  • Get involved. Take part in the activities that occur as a result of the loss. These may include making funeral arrangements after the death of a loved one, making plans for seeking new work after losing a job, or going to a good-bye party for a beloved friend who is moving.
  • Avoid quick fixes. Resist the urge to drink alcohol, smoke cigarettes, or take nonprescription medicines (such as sleeping aids). When you are under emotional stress, these may only add to your unpleasant feelings and experiences and may mask your emotions and prevent you from normal, necessary grieving.
  • Ask for help. During times of emotional distress it is important to allow other people to take over some of your responsibilities. Other people often feel the need to show you how much they care about you.

For more information, see:

Click here to view an Actionset.Grief: Coping with grief.

Helping others cope with grief

There are many ways that family members and other people close to a person who is grieving can give help and support. The best way to help a grieving person often depends on how well the person was prepared for the loss, the person's perception of death, and his or her personality and coping style. The person's age and stage of emotional development are also important to think about when you are helping a person who is grieving.

If someone you know is grieving:

  • Encourage the person to grieve at his or her own pace. The grieving process does not happen in a step-by-step or orderly fashion. There will be good days and bad days. Do not try to "fix" the person's grief. Provide support and be willing to listen.
  • Be sensitive to the effect of your words.
  • Recognize that this person's life has changed forever. Encourage the person to participate in activities that involve and build his or her support network.
  • Respect the person's personal beliefs. Listen to his or her feelings without making judgments. Do not try to change the person's beliefs or feelings.

Helping young children who are grieving can be challenging for adult caregivers. The best way to help a child varies according to age and emotional development. For more information, see:

Click here to view an Actionset.Grief: Helping children with grief.

Teens may need special consideration and care when they are grieving. Many times it is hard to know how to approach and help a teen in these circumstances. For more information, see:

Click here to view an Actionset.Grief: Helping teens with grief.

Older adults may not express grief in the same way as other adults. Older adults are more likely to become physically ill after a major loss. They may already have a chronic physical illness or other conditions that interfere with their ability to grieve or that become worse when they are grieving. Also, older adults may be likely to develop complications associated with grieving. Older adults may be more likely than other people to experience several losses in a short period of time. For more information, see:

Click here to view an Actionset.Grief: Helping older adults with grief.
By: Healthwise StaffLast Revised: December 7, 2009
Medical Review: Kathleen Romito, MD - Family Medicine
Sidney Zisook, MD - Psychiatry

© 1995-2011 Healthwise, Incorporated. Healthwise, Healthwise for every health decision, and the Healthwise logo are trademarks of Healthwise, Incorporated. This information does not replace the advice of a doctor. Healthwise, Incorporated disclaims any warranty or liability for your use of this information. Your use of this information means that you agree to the Terms of Use. How this information was developed to help you make better health decisions.

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