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We know it's hard to believe it but spring is right around the corner. While the warmer weather will be nice, for college and high school students everywhere it means only one thing: spring break. You know, spring break? That magical week you used to look forward to every year? Yes the phrase likely disappeared from your lexicon since you started working that real world job.
Well, never fear.
Just because you don't get the week off to head to your roommate's parent's condo doesn't mean you can't still celebrate. Here is everything you need to plan your own spring break celebration--adult style!
1. Wet t-shirt contest at home
What's spring break without a wet t-shirt contest? Ignore that the "contestants" are just you and your cat, and embrace the fact that you're definitely going to win because you've got an in with the judge...you scoop her litter box.
2. Go to Applebee's and get a blue drink
Applebees is hip, right? Right? Well, whatever, hip or not it's a bar, it's got fruity drinks and it's close to your house. Order yourself a beach-worthy concoction and ask the bartender to turn up that Jimmy Buffet song.
3. Dance on the kitchen table
But make sure that the table can support you, and that you're not going to hit the light fixture, and that you wash it well afterwards and -- you know what? Don't dance on your kitchen table. It doesn't seem worth the hassle.
4. Kiss a stranger on the street
It's a quick way to make friends and a quicker way to catch something. This one probably goes down easier if you attempt it after your Applebees pit stop.
5. Get a spray tan
If you live in the 98 percent of the country that's spent the winter being plagued by a polar vortex and an avalanche of snow, you probably don't even remember what sunlight feels like. Go on and get a spray tan, you could use the color, and those orange stains you leave in the bathroom will come out eventually.
6. Give yourself a (temporary) tattoo
Spring break was rife with bad decisions. But you're older now, and though you want to rebel, you still need to be able to look your friends in the eye. So, instead of getting a tattoo of a word you don't understand in a language you don't speak, play it safe and give yourself a temporary tattoo with a sharpie. Afterwards just tell people it's Aztec for "washable."
7. Wear flip-flops (in the house of course)
Your feet have been wrapped in wool socks for months, so it's time to let those puppies breath. However, we'd like to suggest you keep this activity restricted to your own domicile (because of the fact that your feet have been wrapped in wool socks for months). We don't need to see or smell that.
8. Take daily afternoon naps
We will always support an afternoon siesta, spring break or not. Always.
9. Buy an ocean sounds CD and play it 24/7
If you can't go to the beach, bring a little of the beach to you. And if you can't do that (sand is pretty messy after all), just get a CD that makes ocean sounds and stare longingly at your walls while it plays. It's all about your imagination.
10. Put stamps all over your hands so the next day it looks like you went bar hopping
Of course you could just go bar hopping, but who has the energy? Instead just stamp your hands all over and stay in to watch House of Cards. Bars are overrated anyway.