When looking at the sticky subject of divorce and how the children are affected, one should consider that the correlation between the parents' coping skills and the child's coping skills is very different. Divorce is a time for someone to grow as a person. It is not a time that should be spent in constant misery. Throughout the divorce and the time following it, the parent must be aware that it is possible to be a nurturing, and loving parent. It is a time when the child needs both parents in his life. Remember that your child's self-esteem does not have to be diminished by divorce. This can actually be a time when the child's self-esteem can be strengthened, but it's going to take hard work on the part of both parents for their child/children to grow up emotionally healthy.
I .The parent should not constantly discipline the children for every act that they make. The parent should also listen to the child's point of view. Show them that you care for their feelings and not just your own. This should be a give and take relationship between parent/child, especially when faced with divorce.
2. Give your child/children some time to adjust to the new lifestyle they will be encountering. Children more than the parents need some time to cope with the changes that will be taking place as a result of the divorce.
3. It is important the child/children know that the reason for the divorce is not them. Many children, usually the younger ones, feel that they have done something wrong that results in the parents’ separating.
4. It is important that you know that your ex-spouse is the parent, too. Divorce may mean that the spouses have separated, but it does not mean that either one is no longer a parent to the child.
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Next Page: The Rights of Children
5. Avoid using the children as spies. Arguing that continues following the divorce can be detrimental to the child/children. Neither parent should voice their true opinions about their ex-spouse. Parents shouldn't force their child/children to take sides. It is not fair for the child to be put in the middle of something that they have no control over.
6. It is good that the child/children follow a routine schedule. The child needs a stable environment where they can anticipate what will be happening in their lives.
The Rights of The Children
I . Children have the right to spend time with each parent. The child needs both parents in order to develop emotionally stable.
2. The child/children should not be forced into taking sides with either parent.
3. Children deserve to know from both parents that they will follow through on any child care plans. If the parents have made any commitments to their children they should live up to them for the sake of the child's stability.
4. The child/children should be able to spend time with each parent. The child needs both parents in their life, and they need to know that both parents are there for them at any time they need them.
5. The child/children should be entitled to their own personal sleeping area at each parent’s home.
6. The child/children needs to know that the parents are there for an open conversation. Children must talk about certain issues when they are growing up, and this will continually come about as they age and interact with an ever-increasing peer group.
Children need to maintain a healthy relationship with both parents to ensure that they will grow up to be emotionally stable adults. If some of these very basic guidelines are followed, the child/children will benefit from it greatly. When children are involved with a divorce, the main concern of parents should be their safety and stability. Remember, it is not just for the benefit of the child, but it is also for the benefit of the parent.
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