Guys Uncorked

A guide to picking out the sour grapes

The Pinot Grigio

On to the white wines, then. The pinot grigio is a crisp and dry wine with high acidity. Like a white starched shirt, really, which you should not be surprised to find your pinot grigio wearing. Often.

One is most likely to meet a pinot grigio at the gym. The pinot grigio likes to stay in shape. He likes to look good. In fact, you might even meet him at the nail salon, getting his eyebrows waxed or getting a manicure. The pinot grigio is not afraid to wear pink, if pink brings out the color of his eyes. He probably has more expensive hair products than you do, and his apartment is really, really clean. He does not sweat or emit foul odors, ever.

In short, the pinot grigio is a metrosexual of the highest order. So much so that it may make you uncomfortable. You will wait on the couch with your hair done and your face on while he models different outfits before deciding on what to wear to dinner. He will dip into all your beauty products "just to try them out." You will be forced to pluck and/or shave unwanted hairs from his immaculate body on a fairly regular basis. On the upside, you'll always have a man at your side who looks good, even if he looks better than you do. (Hmm, did I say upside?)

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