Guys Uncorked

A guide to picking out the sour grapes

The Chardonnay

Chardonnay is one of the most popular white wines. It is mainly grown for immediate consumption, best while the wine is still young.

You will know a chardonnay shortly after meeting him because he will mention his high school football days or his college fraternity. The chardonnay was at his prime in his youth and spends his later years reliving it. If you think you can handle a chardonnay, be prepared for tales starting with, "So this one night, we were so wasted..." or "So this one night, we beat the pants off of Cherry Valley."

The chardonnay probably makes a decent living, due to his social connections and hero status in the town where he was raised. He will mention how much money he makes. A lot. You will dine in extravagant restaurants, where he will get drunk and berate the waitstaff while you hang your head and mumble apologies before confiscating his car keys and ushering him out the door.

Don't be surprised when you attend your high school reunion and notice that the guy voted most likely to marry a cheerleader is displaying chardonnay tendencies. If he tries to flirt with you, turn your name tag around and flee.

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