Having Trouble Reaching Orgasm? Tracey Cox Explains Why

...and how

  • Ditch the vibrator and use your fingers instead. Once you've had an orgasm with the vibrator, and you know what you're aiming for, it's banished to the bedside drawer. Now let's try to orgasm using your fingers.

    Put some lubricant on the inside parts of your labia or on your fingers and find your clitoris, the pea-sized bit hidden under a protective hood at the top of your vagina. Try gently stroking near or around it with your middle finger or the pads of a couple of fingers. Once you feel more aroused, try moving around it in circles then gently rubbing directly across it, back and forth. Experiment with different strokes—hard, soft, fast, slow—until you find what suits you best. Try to at least get to the point where you're really excited before either giving up or giving in (and letting those fingers slide over to the bedside drawer where your vibrator lives). It takes longer with your fingers until you've got the technique mastered, so be patient.

  • Don't give up. Aim for about six or more 15-minute sessions over the next two weeks. If it's not working, try alternative ways of lying or sitting (i.e. lie on your tummy or sit in a chair, rather than lying or sitting on the bed with your legs apart), or rub your clitoris against something like the arm of a sofa. Focus on enjoying any sexual feelings you are experiencing instead of fiercely concentrating and thinking I must have an orgasm. The harder you try, the further away it will seem.

  • Add other turn-ons. Fantasize in your head about something you've done sexually that turned you on, or something you'd like to do. Read a book on sexual fantasies or explore erotica or maybe even female-friendly porn. Squeeze your pelvic floor muscles and remember to breathe deeply. Finally, remember this: The first solo orgasm may take ages to work up to, but orgasms get easier and faster the more often you have one. Promise!

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