He Keeps Cheating, She Keeps Forgiving

Dear Sherry:

I need advice badly. I have been seeing this guy for more than two years. In that time he has gone back and slept with his ex-girlfriend three or four times. Three weeks ago, we broke up and he went and took her to dinner. Then we got back together, and he said he called and told her it was a mistake to come back and try to start their relationship over. He asked me for another chance, but then yesterday he received a card from her saying she loved him and they could work it out. The problem is, he lied to me about getting the card. If he's really trying, why is he lying again? Should I just end it here or wait and see if he really is interested in her again or not? I have been hurt so much by this relationship in the past two years that I'm scared of being devastated again.



Sherry Amatenstein

Sherry is the author of The Q&A Dating Book and Love Lessons from Bad Breakups. She has taught dating seminars, appeared as an expert... Read more

Dear allenetay1:

Yes, you should "end it here." Immediately. This guy is a real player. So beat him at his own game. Do not pass Go, proceed directly to Breakup Square. You may think you love this joker, but you're painfully aware you can't trust him. And since trust is a crucial component of healthy love, it's obvious you'll never find that with him.

There's also the issue of self-respect: Can you face yourself, your friends, your family knowing that you're letting this guy walk all over you? Repeat after me: "I deserve better than this." And you know what? You do. We all do. Eleanor Roosevelt said it best: "No one takes advantage of you without your permission." Stop giving him permission to use you, and find someone who'll give you the type of trust-based relationship you deserve.

Yes, you will feel hurt. But it will be a quick wound -- like ripping off a Band-Aid -- rather than the slow, sadistic Chinese water torture he seems to specialize at inflicting on both you and his ex-girlfriend. If she does wind up with him, it's her loss, your gain.

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