Is he Mr. Right or Mr. Kinda?

A friend of mine introduced me to a great guy this weekend and we hit it off. I feel good around him. He's handsome and we have a similar sense of humor, but he is only as tall as I am and I usually drool over tall men (plus I like to wear heels). Not to be mean, but he's also a little overweight, as men in their 40s start to be. So the big question is this. Do I stick with it even if he doesn't totally turn me on physically? I am super-picky and have been single for two years as a result. To meet someone who covers all of the bases on the other levels is surprising, so it's tempting to give it a try. Or do I give him the old "let's not rush things" speech? I don't want to be a jerk, and I still want to be able to hang out. What's the best way to do this? --iVillager muktida


Sherry Amatenstein

Sherry is the author of The Q&A Dating Book and Love Lessons from Bad Breakups. She has taught dating seminars, appeared as an expert... Read more

Dear muktida:

Reading your letter made me flash on the image of white shoes with black socks. Before you say "Sherry's really lost it now!" I'll explain. My good friend Jan met this guy at a party and thought he was Brad Pitt incarnate. He obviously thought she was a Jennifer/Gwyneth clone, because they quickly set a date. Cut to a week later, her front door. She opened it and there stood "Brad" -- looking perfect except for his declasse footwear. Jan was immediately turned off, acted in a standoffish manner the whole evening, and there was no date two. A few months later she ran into him again, dressed from head to toe in elegant fashion. Jan was extremely turned on. However, he wanted nothing more to do with her.

The point of this belabored anecdote was to point out what you already know: Good things come in unlikely packages, so rather than tearing into the box, unwrap it slowly. Casually mention to the short, slightly overweight but possibly extremely sexy fella that you want to hang out, not rush things on the sex front, and see where it goes. You might wind up never developing more than a friend vibe toward him, or one night you might be moved to plant a big one on his suddenly kissable lips.

If you can enter into this friendship with no expectations of where it might go, I expect good things can follow.

Talk about dating on the Ask the Dating Doyenne message board.

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