He refuses to take Viagra!
Dear Dr. Patti:
I've been married to the same man for 28 years. He still loves me, but it's a very long time since anything has happened in the bedroom department. I still need and want to be sexually active with him. He's told me on numerous occasions that he loves me very much, and I believe him. We always talk, and that's important in a relationship -- but, like most men, he's never been to a doctor and finds it difficult to express himself to strangers. What do I do? I've told him about Viagra. He even jokes about going to the doctor and getting some. He's aware he needs it, but can't seem to go. What do I do?
W
Question:Dear W:
Our landscape has been dramatically altered by the advent of Viagra, the new drug that's turning formerly sheepish men into sexual animals. The good news is that Viagra does help most men sustain their erections. The bad news is that it's not a quick fix for marital woes. Despite your protestations ("He loves me, but..."), I get the feeling there's an underlying issue preventing him from springing back into action, even with the little blue pill at hand. So I suggest you give him plenty of ego-boosting, TLC and just plain support to get his motors running again.
Assist him in setting up an appointment with a competent urologist in your area. Check with the American Urological Association or local medical groups and hospitals for referrals. Although there is literally a run on Viagra worldwide, and it may seem everyone's taking it, a skilled, knowledgeable physician must make that determination for your honey.
He needs to get a thorough check-up; he also may need to talk to a professional, such as a sex therapist, about what's been stopping him until now. Meanwhile, you both might want to take this very slowly, approaching the sensual before the sexual again, and trying the medication once his medical status is cleared.
Finally, your sexuality and your erotic desires are natural, an intrinsic part of you to express alone or with your partner. If your hubby doesn't want to change the status quo, maybe an honest talk about your real needs will spur him to think again. Love does not equal sex -- but if sexual sharing is part of the pie that you long to re-explore, then go for it.
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