Hey Paula Recap: July 11

Guess what? Paula Abdul is tired, and time is ticking for her to arrive at yet another event. But this time, instead of whining/slurring about how exhausted she is, the animal lover is complaining that she's so hungry she could "eat a dog." Funny because she's hosting the In Defense of Dogs party, at which she was introduced as “America‘s Sweetheart.” I wonder if the assistants she yelled at in episode 1 for not packing her sweatpants would agree. Anyway, apparently she wasn't all that hungry because she turned down M&Ms from a woman in the limo, whom I can only guess is yet another assistant. In her dressing room, Paula chomped on a carrot and tried to make a joke about the small size of Simon Cowell's, uh, stick. She reunited with some old band members from when she actually toured and was known for her catchy songs instead of being the "American Idol" judge gone wild. Paula thanked Brian McKnight for being an inspiration to so many A.I. kids, which was sweet, then headed out with a bag of popcorn. Still starving, she wanted to stop at Pink's Hotdogs for a chili cheese dog, but instead, laughed about what the tabloids would say about it. "She was drunk off of chili cheese!" she joked.

The next morning, she met with her entourage and filled them in on how little she has slept. She glared at her long list of things to do. "I keep telling everyone I'm fine, but I'm not; I'm really exhausted," she told the camera.

The next day, she said she was rested and ready for her trip to QVC and appearance on Late Show with David Letterman. However, her lead assistant, Pam, was not making her life easy. She cried to Pam about relying on her to keep her on track, but she's messing up. Therefore, she had Patty, a brand new assistant, go to Philly with her instead of Pam (who was probably relieved). Here’s to hoping Patty packed sweatpants for her new boss!! While in the terminal, Paula tried to get a snack from the vending machine. Guess what!? She didn't have money on her. Every single episode so far, this has happened. Starbucks. Subway. And now a vending machine. "I'll dance for you," she said while tapping her feet and begging strangers for a dollar. A nice man handed the millionaire a buck for Cheez-Its. Straight up, I’ll tell you … that is ironic!

After sleeping for less than two hours, it was off to QVC to promote the Paula Abdul Jewelry. She was deliriously goofy on air, and even showed off her butt dance. During her lunch break, instead of taking a nap, she went shopping for makeup and didn't even notice a 12-year-old girl and her dad attached to her side until they asked for an autograph. Her afternoon taping sold out all of her products, so Paula didn’t have the jewelry she promised to bring back to the "American Idol" girls. She had asked her marketing rep to put some aside, but he didn't, so she lectured him and got weepy about having to spend her own money to buy jewelry to give the girls. "I’m tired of people not treating me like the gift that I am,” she cried to the camera. “It's hurtful and it stinks. And it takes everything out of me to smile and be jovial when I'm being screwed." Then maybe she should act more like Simon. Or perhaps do things herself instead of relying on other people since they seem to never do it the way she wants.
Still running on empty, Paula started feeling sick on their way to New York, where she and her team planned to rest before Letterman. However, a blizzard prevented them from leaving Philly.

Get ready for her to be soooo tired in the next episode. Hey, at least it will be something we haven't seen before.

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