His Out-of-Control Temper: Steps to Take Now
My boyfriend of four years has a bit of a temper. He has never hit me or caused me any harm. But when he gets mad, he tends to punch and break things. One time we were fighting and I locked myself in his truck and he kicked a dent into the side. Another one of our fights resulted in his throwing a chair into the wall of his bedroom, and now there is a nice-size hole in it. We are planning to get engaged in February and possibly have a wedding in 2000. I am not fearful of him but do not want his rages to result in the loss of my hard-earned things. What should I do? -- B
Question:Sherry Amatenstein
Sherry is the author of The Q&A Dating Book and Love Lessons from Bad Breakups. She has taught dating seminars, appeared as an expert... Read more
Dear B:
What should you do? For one thing, I might ask myself, "Am I so sure he never will hit me?" I'd follow up that self-query with another: "Do I want to walk around hiding or insuring all my possessions because my boyfriend has a passion for punching?" I mean, it might have been cute to watch Ricky Ricardo tossing around everything that wasn't nailed down on "I Love Lucy," but that was a '50s sitcom. Welcome to the real new-millennium world, where even if a woman fries up the bacon in a pan, she won't allow herself to be conked over the head with it.
Two more questions: Have you talked to him about his rage-aholic tendencies? Does he consider them a problem? Is he willing to seek counseling to discover the roots of his anger, as well as behavior modification tactics? (Okay, I snuck another question in there.) Don't dismiss his tantrums as a trifling problem. Deal with it now -- or you might suffer the consequences later.
Best of luck.
