Hot Tips for When it's Not Hot

ON Jan 1, 1999 at 12:00PM

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My boyfriend and I have been together for a few years. We have a decent, safe sex life, but I'd really like to please him more by being the one on top during intercourse -- his favorite position -- but I can't seem to get it right. Neither of us is getting any enjoyment from it. What can I do? What am I doing wrong? --W

Question:

Dear W:

I'm glad to know that you and your honey are practicing safe sex. Your experimentation has led you to one of the best loved and cherished of all the sexual positions: woman on top. In this position the woman can control the sex act and derive her ultimate pleasure. That may not be important to you and your boyfriend, but some women need to feel that they can control some of the aspects of lovemaking, such as depth of penetration, type of thrusting, insertion position (for clitoral stimulation) and even eye contact.

Watch Video: How to Tell Him He's Bad in Bed

As for the problems you're experiencing, perhaps you need to work on balancing your body above your partner. Having the strength to support your own weight when you're on top is key, too. It's important to brace your body so that you have adequate flexibility and you can control his movements while riding him. To get more comfortable and achieve mutual satisfaction, try different arrangements of your two bodies -- different angles and heights. Play with it. The best way to get it right is to stop pressuring yourself to do just that. Stop worrying about how you are doing and feel your way along with your partner toward what is pleasurable. Enjoy the (literal) ride and feel the different sensations and his responses as you move yourself around. If he's not reaching orgasm while you're on top, you can still use this position to achieve your own pleasure as well as excite him. But you may need to then switch to another, more reliable position that works better for him. A tip: Most men report that entering their partner vaginally from the rear is the best way to reach orgasm.

What else can you do to improve your sex life? Read Dr. Patti's advice on
Arousing Alternatives to the Missionary Position
Getting Comfortable with His Desires
Techniques for Sensational Sex

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