Patient of the week: A druggie rockstar who is having blood clots and throwing up blood and basically lots of gory blood stuff.
Cuddy finds House in the lounge watching his soaps. He tells her that the sign on the door says the lounge is closed due to a private party. Cuddy tells House he has until Friday to pick the two remaining fellows to round out his team. She threatens him that after Friday the extra two paychecks are coming out of his salary.
So House heads to the ER to find a patient to have as the final test for the four candidates. Cameron gives him some lying, druggie rockstar who is such a mess and so totally addicted to everything that any test they do on him is only going to make him worse. Foreman points this out, which annoys the candidates because that is definitely going to put in a crimp in their race to show House they deserve to win the million dollars. Oh wait, that's a different show called Survivor... but how great would it be so see Hugh Laurie in the same jungle, sweaty outfits Jeff Probst wears. Meow!
House pays a visit to Wilson who is completely befuddled. He tells House he missed a diagnosis. He told some old guy he had six months to live, only to turn out that he’s totally cancer free. Wilson has to break the news to the guy. House re-enters Wilson’s office (in the middle of telling the guy he’s going to live) and he’s wearing a lab coat and pretends to be consulting Wilson on the case. Turns out the guy is super pissed at being told he’s going to live on account of having going away parties thrown in his honor, buying plane tickets to far flung destinations and now owing his real estate agent $6,000 for putting his house up for sale and now taking it off the market. Not the reaction Wilson was expecting.
Chase finds Foreman and annoys him. I’m not sure the point of this scene, although I do heart Chase so I don’t mind it, but still, I’m all… what was the point of this scene?
So the punk rock patient has blood clots and they need to figure out why before it gets to his lungs and brain. Cut throat bitch attributes it all to his drug abuse. 13 says this is what’s wrong with doctors, they just go for the easy reason and don’t look beyond that for what could really be causing his illness. CTB says “yeah, it’s more likely to be Malaria then the drugs he’s been using all along.” She has a point, but one wonders why 13 is so adamant to think it’s not the drugs.
House wants to know why CTB is so competitive and why she hates drug addicts. She says because the guy is throwing his life away. He asks her why she’s afraid to lose. She explains that people who win are happy. And perhaps she does this stuff because her mommy didn’t love her and her daddy didn’t think she was good enough. But what does any of that matter, she wonders aloud. She asks him how is it bad for him that she does anything for her patients.
Taub and 13 walk down the hall together. Taub admits to 13 he doesn’t care about the patient but is still willing to do anything to get the job, that includes kissing up to House. Taub says the patient doesn’t care about himself, so why should he. 13 is not loving Taub POV of the health care industry. This is when they realize they’ve lost the patient.
Wilson enters his office to find House there. House asks Wilson why he has a checkbook and liability form sitting on top of his desk. Wilson says probably because he had it in the second drawer and House took it out and put in on his desk. House accuses him of going to pay the guy off. Wilson says he gave him a death sentence, it’s the least he can do. House says he gave him a life sentence and three months of feeling special, he wasn’t negligent, so he shouldn’t feel guilty. This convo is interrupted by 13 and Taub asking House if he’s sent the patient anywhere. House realizes they’ve lost the patient.
House sends Taub off to lost and found and takes 13 on a walk and grills her about why she loves drug addicts. She says why can’t she just be nice to a patient? House tells her saints always have a past. House wants to know why she thinks drugs are a mask for something else. 13 says they’re always a mask for something else. He tells her that’s the dumbest thing he’s ever heard but when she leaves he gives her 5 points on his dry erase board where he’s keeping score of all the candidates.
Taub and 13 find the patient in the pediatric ward putting on a show with a improvised cape. The kids love it because they don’t realize he’s a drugged out freak. He passes out.
Cuddy finds House palying piano in the lecture hall. She tells him to get a handle on his patient. He asks for her advice on who to pick because he wants to keep all four. She says he can keep two. He wants to know who she would pick. Cuddy can’t believe he’s asking for her advice.
House: You’re a bureaucratic nightmare, chronic pain in the ass and a second rate doctor at best.
Cuddy: Am I blushing?
Cuddy tells him to pick Taub and Kutner. Taub because he’ll stand up to him and Kutner because he shares House’s philosophy of medicine.
13 and Kutner come in and tell House it’s not malaria, but they did find the reason for the DIC. House realizes that the DIC was nothing because it was a result of sharing needles with some other band member. Suddenly the patient collapses again, more bloody gore, gross. House tells 13 it’s good news for her because his new symptom is definitely not drugs.
House tells the gang (while hiding from Foreman) that the blood clots were drug related, but everything else is still on the table. This is when Foreman appears because he followed Taub who followed CTB. Kutner offers what he thinks and offers to do the test and is given the eyeball that allows him to do tests. CTB says he’s not going to do one test, Kutner is going to say he’s doing one test and then do like 10 others and come back with some sweet diagnosis to win the game. House tells Foreman to do the tests, but then quickly realizes Foreman’s not going to do anything.
So House deicdes to do the tests and criticize the rock star’s music as he does them.
House wants to know why he does this crappy music. The guy says it’s not because I want people to listen. House tells him then that the stage he’s standing on is an odd choice. The rock star says who cares if people don’t like my music, why do people who don’t like it have to spend the time to tell him he’s a failure, why do they care? House wants to know why he cares so much whether or not House likes his music but doesn’t care if he lives or dies.
Wilson sits in his office with the now not dying guy. He tears up Wilson’s check and tells him he ruined his life. Wilson says “I ruined three months of your life.” The guy tells Wilson that for the first time in his life he was living in the moment, that all stopped when Wilson told him he wasn’t dying. His check isn’t big enough.
House has Taub and Kutner in the DDX, Taub keeps losing points for giving right answers. They need to do more tests but can’t because over acting rock star is shaking and they can’t get a clear picture.
Taub and House pay a visit to Chase. House wants Chase to open up the rock star so they can get a clear picture of his heart. Chase won’t do it. Taub convinces him to do the surgery by playing a mind game, telling him the guy will die and it will look like Chase wouldn’t do the surgery because House fired him.
Chase agrees to do the surgery and tells House to hire Taub and Amber because they’ll get stuff done. On the OR table, over acting rock star starts to crash.
In the next DDX House tells Kutner and 13 they’re fired so they both go into overdrive throwing out diagnoses. They do such a good job, House unfires them.
CTB asks the patient what it’s like to have no regrets and gets all choked up.
Wilson wanders into House’s office and wonders what sort of lawyer tells a client to sue because he’s going to live. Wilson realizes the guy has a medical degree. Turns out House was feeding him info. House tells Wilson if he gives money to the patient, then it’s less for him. Wilson tells House how he has to control everything. House says he’s asking for input, and thought Wilson would admire his humility.
Wilson: Dying is easy, living is hard.
House: That can’t possibly be poignant as it sounded.
Kutner interrupts. Wilson tells House to stop playing the game and do to his freaking job. House says no.
House brings Taub, Amber, 13 and Kutner to Cuddy and tells her that he needs to keep all four of them for a variety of reasons. They all contributed to the diagnosis. He says over acting rock star has measles, but Cuddy won’t let him do a brain biopsy until he has another seizure. So House makes the guy listen to his own music which does lead to a seizure.
Back at the lecture hall, House fires CTB because if she works for him she needs to be able to be wrong. He fires 13 too. He says four applicants, two spots, but if he could keep three he’d keep her.
CTB goes to see the patient anyway and tells him he’s going to have to grow old. She tells him she’s trying not to care about being fired.
Cuddy comes to see House and tells him WTF? He says he did like she told him, to hire Kutner and Taub. She says she only said that because she never thought that’s what he’d do and insists he hire a woman on the team. She tells him to hire 13 back. Cuddy then realizes that this was House’s plan all along so he could keep three of the team.
Cuddy: Well, at least the games are over.
House (grinning): How long have you known me?
But now I'm loving the new team, but hating the fact that the next new episode isn't until JANUARY!! Say what? Oh and raise your hand if you're wondering why CCF are still on the show? FYI my hand is in the air.