House Recap: 97 Seconds

Patient of The Week: An adult male with Spinal Muscular Atrophy in a wheelchair who passes out while driving his chair in the middle of an intersection. His incredibly cute guide dog furiously tries to wake him up before he gets hit by a car.

House tells his gang he'll be at the classroom at 3pm, which actually means he ain't showing up before 6pm. Instead he walks in at 4pm surprised the whole group of job applicants stuck around. House hands out a new case and wants the group to divide up into two.

One of the twin girls: How about women vs. men? House: Excellent suggestion, fat twin.

I don't know why that made me laugh out loud.

House agrees and says they should split up into two groups: “the people whose sex organs dangle and those who don’t.” The gal House has aptly nicknamed “cut throat bitch,” insists she’s going with the guys because whenever House hires three new peeps, he only hires one woman and she wants the odds tipped in her favor.

This is House’s answer to Survivor or The Apprentice, I’m not sure if he fancies himself Jeff Probst or The Donald, but either way, he says the team that loses, gets fired.

Cut throat bitch gets kicked out of the men’s group and flies solo. She heads to the ER to hit Cameron up for some advice, obviously kissing her ass.

Meanwhile, House sees a clinic patient who before he can get any info out of, takes out a switchblade and sticks it in the electrical socket, which essentially stops his heart.

I used to have a comb that looked like one of those switchblades, but when you hit the button the comb popped out, not the knife. Yeah, I was a loser.

13 flirts with the patient and tells him he has some disease from going to Thailand. 39 and another guy come and want to know what 13 said. The patient says House told him what he’s doing and so he’s not giving out any info.

House goes to see Cuddy to get yelled at. He knows she’s going to do it anyway eventually and has decided today would be the perfect day since she’s wearing a slutty top, so he can stare at her boobs while she yells. Cuddy wants to shut down the little experiment he’s got going on with the doctors, but House reassures Cuddy he knows what he’s doing and he’s already diagnosed the patient and it’s all good. Raise your hand if you think he’s lying

Hey, it’s Foreman! That’s right, Dr. Foreman is back and this time he's not a figment of House’s imagination. Foreman is now the head of his own diagnostics dept. at another hospital. He has a patient and after his team runs through all the options, he tells them they’re doing a great job… wow he’s trying super hard to be NOT like House, yet trying to diagnose patients like he IS House. I wonder how this is going to turn out.

House sits with Wilson but talks aloud to himself about why the clinic guy would try to kill himself. Wilson starts speaking nonsense when he realizes House is having a one sided conversation and House doesn’t notice. Wilson tells House if he wants to know why the patient tried to kill himself with electricity, he should ask him. House says that’s cheating.

Cut throat bitch goes to the guys and tries to get them to let her on their team. She says she has a great idea and wants to give it to them because if they win, the women lose and she’s going to get a job and so are two of the guys. They agree, too bad the patient starts choking before they can do their test. And his dog is still so cute.

House gets both teams together during their DDX and while they’re offering ideas he tries to figure out all about what makes these newbies tick. The fat twin offers another suggestion and says if the girls stress his body out by putting the patient on a tilt table and his body doesn’t freak out, they win. The girls take off while the boys have to sit in the penalty box for wasting the patient’s time. Oh and House drops the bombshell that one of the men isn’t an actual doctor.

Meanwhile back at Foreman’s hospital things are going downhill fast. Turns out he’s not House, but don’t worry he doesn’t realize that yet, but I do, I’m smart.

As usual House takes Wilson’s advice and goes to the patient. He tells House that the weekend before he was in a car accident and was dead for 97 seconds which were the best seconds of his life. House tells him what he experienced was nothing more than a chemical reaction to his brain shutting down. Dude says no way, there’s something other there. House is dubious yet intrigued. By the way, Hugh looks particularly good in this episode.

Speaking of the episode let’s get back to it. House has sequestered the boys team in his office with no talking aloud. Of course they do talk and are caught on House’s web cam. As punishment, House holds a Survivor style Tribal Council complete with Bunsen burner flames that he will snuff out. He tells the men’s team (and cut throat bitch) they’re fired because the tilt table test proved the ladies team was right.

Cut throat bitch won’t give up that easily. She seeks Chase’s help to run the lab tests for a blood test to confirm that her theory of a tumor was right. He says no way, House can still make his life miserable. Cut throat bitch: Don’t you want to make his life miserable? Chase says fine, I’ll do the blood test for you. When she draws his blood, it’s green. Cut throat bitch is so not fired.

The plastic surgeon says the reason he has green blood is because his kidneys are failing. House puts the DDX in overdrive and calls off the game because he thought 13 was right and now the sitch has gotten more serious. In a panic, House yells at Chase for doing a test for a doctor who no longer works at the hospital. He threatens him with getting him fired. Chase knows how House works and tells him: “you’re frustrated, if you need help, I’m here, if you’re just venting, leave a message.” BURN!! Score one for Chase… also looking adorable.

Back at Foreman’s hospital, his “Cuddy,” thinks his diagnosis is too risky and wrong and reminds him he’s trying to fix this woman to make up for the woman he killed last year.. Low blow, lady who played Toby Ziegler’s wife on The West Wing. She tells Foreman to give him the medicine she says.

Back at PPTH, Cuddy tells House he can’t do the surgery on his patient. He convinces her otherwise… unlike Foreman. See what they did there? Foreman can’t convince his Cuddy cause he’s not ready to be running his own department and then they show the ease in which House convinces his Cuddy…. the actual Cuddy.

Wilson and House break the news to the patient he has cancer in his eye and it’s gots to go. The guy says he’s been in a wheelchair and trapped in his crappy body and just wants to get his life over with.

House: “Do you think you’re going to sprout wings and fly around with the other angels? There is nothing out there.”

Well, this pisses Wilson off and he chases after House and yells at him, asking him what sick pleasure does he get from taking away what little comfort this guy was giving himself for the last remaining days of his life. House says that the patient shouldn’t be making a medical decision to end his life based on some silly idea of an afterlife. This I actually agree with, I’m surprised they let people without M.D.’s make their own medical decisions at all. How do we know when we don’t really have all the facts? This is my own issue.

Moving on. House decides to take matters in his own hands and try to see if anything is out there. He takes the switchblade and decides to sticks it in the electrical socket, but not before paging Cut throat bitch who arrives just in time.

Meanwhile Foreman kidnaps his patient, sure his diagnosis is right and gives her the course of action he thinks is right.

Due to House’s sitch, Wilson takes over the case and lectures the assembled doctors. He looks good in casual wear, I swear. Wilson then goes to see House and when he wakes up tells him he nearly killed himself. House says nearly killing himself was the point. He also informs House that his patient doesn’t have cancer. House wants to talk to the switchblade patient, but Wilson tells him he died a few hours ago. Wilson then demands to know why he wants to talk to him, did he see something? House avoids the question.

Back in the wheelchair guy’s room, 13 and another lady try to run more tests, but the guy dies. But not before 13 puts the dog on the bed so he can lay his hand on his head. Seriously, might be the cutest dog ever! I almost cried!

House finds out the patient died and goes to see him. When he walks in the room, it’s now obvious his dog has died too. House realizes the dog has taken the pills the patient was supposed to take. Cuddy finds House and tells him it’s his fault the patient died. Not only did he turn it into a game, he was too busy sticking a knife in a socket to even care. If he hadn’t done that, the patient would still be alive. Dude, harsh!

What’s even harsher is that Foreman gets fired by Toby Zieglers wife at his hospital. He luckily made the right call, but Toby’s wife fired him anyway.

House goes to the morge and lectures 13. Had she watched the patient take the meds, he and his dog would be alive because she did make the right diagnosis. But because of that mistake, it threw everything else off. But she’s not fired. She leaves and House turns to the dead body and says: I’m sorry to say, I told you so!

Hands down, my favorite episode this season! Agree? It had so much going on! How cute are Wilson and House together? That was my favorite part by far. Also some of the newbies are growing on me. Do you miss the old gang or liking the new?

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