House Recap: Top Secret

Viewer Discretion Advised = This is gonna be a good episode

Patient of the week: Ex-Marine who is exhibiting symptoms of Gulf War Syndrome, a syndrome no one believes actually exists. It just so happens that this guy appeared in one of House's dreams. While House's team tries to figure out what's wrong with him, House is trying to solve the mystery of why he was dreaming of a patient he's never seen before.

What I learned this week on House: This is becoming a weekly segment but here goes:

Wilson: Either you want a renewed relationship with your dad or a new relationship with one of the village people

House:He was in the Navy not the Marines.

Wilson: I thought your dad was in the Marines.

House: The guy in the village people.

Wilson: Actually he's only in the Navy when they sing in the Navy, the rest of the time he's in generic fatigues.

I didn't know that about the guy in the village people! This show rules!

Here comes the B story: House can’t pee. Turns out repeated abuse of Vicodin is bad and can do serious damage to one’s liver and other organs.

Back to the patient. Chase is the only guy on House’s team who thinks that this guy has gulf war syndrome. Everyone else thinks he’s depressed and is looking for a disability check. But since he has a rich uncle, they have to treat his symptoms. House gives his team a list of tests to do and at the end of that list, asks them to find out if he’s ever been on TV. Cameron of course wants to know why House is curious about this, but House brushes her off. Just do your damn job, Cam. If I talked back like Cameron does in Catholic school, I would’ve been smacked with a ruler.

House’s team goes in and talks to the marine guy. They keep questioning his symptoms in a very condescending, you’re not medically qualified to tell the difference between a rash and a few dots and also we don’t believe you sort of way. This annoyed me as my brother served in Iraq and I wouldn’t want anyone speaking to him this way if he was sick. He just wants to be cured, people, give the guy a break!

In traditional House fashion the test have come back inconclusive. Chase is hell bent on listing all the things like anti-chemical warfare pills or uranium that could be causing his symptoms. Foreman smacks him down, but I appreciate your knowledge Chase even if no one else does. House could care less and wants the team to do a lexis/nexis search on the patient before they give him a sleep test.

Cam and Chase are totally bored watching the guy sleep so they decide to use their time and the extra bed in the sleep lab to get it on! Bom chica bom bom! While they’re off doing it, the patient has a freak out and Foreman has to clean up the mess, and by mess I mean the Vaginosis pouring out his mouth! Sick. Now I know why Viewer discretion was advised.

House still can’t pee. Not sure I love the story line, but I do not mind seeing him in boxers or in the bathtub wearing glasses with serious shots of arm porn.

Back at the office, Foreman wants to know what was up with Cam and Chase’s disappearance. Cameron says “you caught us, I was doing Chase.” Foreman finds that funny so Cameron says that Forman would do House and Wilson before she would do Chase. BURN! Chase is feeling a little bad about himself right now.

Wilson tells House that the guy’s cancer tests are inconclusive. Figures. So House tells Wilson he hasn’t peed in three days and needs a pill that will get him to pee. But Wilson, being Wilson, ignores House in pain and tries to help him figure out how he knows the marine. House is more concerned with the whole not peeing thing, but Wilson is being a prick and could care less. Finally Wilson gives House the prescription after he admits to being in agony. What does it take for Wilson to help a brother out?

Chase is pissed at Cameron about what she said to Foreman. Cameron tells him to stop pouting. Chase accuses Cameron of trying to get caught to give House a reason to be jealous. She says it’s just uncomplicated sex and tells him to stop making it more than that.

Wilson is doing further tests when the patient goes deaf. I'm guessing that's not a sign he's getting better. Wilson tells House the patient has brain cancer. His head is riddled with tumors. While they are going over the films, Chase and Cameron show up after an afternoon delight, if you know what I mean. House wants to know where they were, so Cameron deflects the question with answers about the patients credit report and personal information.

Cuddy brings in the VA’s scans of the patient’s head. The tumors seem to have appeared over night. When House tells Cameron to do some more personal research, she refuses until he tells her why. House doesn’t have a ruler with which to smack Cmaeron, so instead snaps at her. After he leaves, Chase points out that she asks House a lot of personal questions. Cameron reassures Chase for the second time that she is over House. Chase says he’s making an observation, that’s all. Me thinks Cameron doth protest too much.

Foreman is about to drill into the patient’s head when he takes a look at the scans to see that the tumors have disappeared. The team goes back into the DDX to figure out what is going on. That patient is getting worse and has now developed lower limb paralysis. Chase comes in with the results of the uranium poisoning. Dude has a lot of uranium in his system and I’m not sure what it is or what it does, but people, it ain’t good.

Meanwhile back at House’s abode, he decides he needs a catheter in order to relieve his urine build up, so what does he do, shoves it up his penis himself. YOWZA! Looks painful, but it works and here come the water works. He heads to bed with the urine bag and I think it’s official, I am totally turned off by House. Did not see this coming. House has a nightmare and wakes up in his bed having pissed himself, but the nightmare has led him to figure out what is wrong with the patient: he has a genetic illness that is destroying his capillaries that can be fixed with a few surgeries. Say what:? Yeah, he's just that good.

House figured out the medical mystery, but what about the mystery of how he knew the patient? Well, he figured that one out too… in the shower. Turns out House saw Cuddy on a date making out with the guy two years ago, he wasn’t the nephew of a rich benefactor after all. Cuddy laughs at House. She tells him to get over her. Sounds like they got it on once years before but Cuddy tells him that ship has sailed and to stop checking out her ass.

At the end of the day, House is cleaning up his office, something of course we’ve never seen him do before. Meanwhile, Chase and Cameron are totally getting it on once more in the janitors closet when lo and behold, who walks in House! B-U-S-T-E-D! House exits and heads back to his office when a huge grin spreads across his face.

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