The fragile Confidence Chain is made up of seven key elements:
- State of mind
- Physical appearance
- Listening skills
- Financial stability
In order to reach a state of 100 percent confidence, you must learn to incorporate, monitor, adjust, adapt and balance all seven elements within your daily routine. The moment you stop, everything can come crashing down with a comment as simple as, "You're not my type." Now I'm not suggesting that you need to be 100 percent confident 100 percent of the time in order to be happy and successful with the ladies. But be aware that the higher you are on the confidence meter, the higher your success rate with women will be. When you adopt the CC philosophy, your body and mind will begin changing their physiology to better adapt to the current environment — regardless of whether it's a positive or negative one.
How to Get Confidence
It's important to realize that all seven elements need not be executed to completion in order to exude confidence. However, if you want to be at your highest level possible, you need to ensure that all seven elements are equally balanced.
1. State of mind
The very first step toward becoming a confident person involves building confidence from the inside on a daily basis through introspection. You're going to have to help yourself by adopting a confidence-building philosophy. What does this mean? By creating thoughts and exercises of confidence, your body will react and display that confidence. But before you can get there, you need to take a deep, honest look at yourself. You need to learn to feed off your strengths and eliminate — or at least minimize — your weaknesses. For example, if you think that stuttering when you're nervous is one weakness that contributes to your lack of confidence, then practice speaking with as many people (preferably women) as possible until you eliminate that drawback.
You need to develop personal habits that will put you in the right frame of mind and keep your confidence chain well-oiled and running strong. Try the following to keep yourself motivated:
Talk to yourself: Practice speaking in the morning before leaving the house by clearing your throat and saying aloud, "Good morning. You look great. You are number one. Today is going to be a great day. Today, you will say hi to at least five strangers."
Keep a list of your strengths: Write down 10 traits that will make you invaluable to any woman who's lucky enough to get your attention and time (you have to think this way to be confident).
Change negative outlooks into positive ones: If you're single, stop being depressed about it. Instead of worrying about being alone, be happy that you have the opportunity to meet and seduce many women.
2. Physical appearance
Your physical appearance plays a very big role in your level of confidence. Not so much regarding how you feel about yourself but how other people make you feel. Naturally, the more physically fit you are, or the closer your appearance is to what society deems attractive, the more eyes there'll be on you. And that feeds into the Confidence Chain. So naturally, you should be exercising regularly and maintaining a healthy diet in order to give the ladies what they like — a strong, fit body with abs of steel and anaconda arms, and don't forget to stand up straight.
Sorry to break it to you, but the threads you wear play a part in determining how the people in your life — both strangers and acquaintances — will treat you. This, in turn, will affect the way you feel, which, in turn, will affect your state of mind, which, in turn, will affect your confidence. Get the point? If you want to feel confident 100 percent of the time, you have to look stylish 100 percent of the time. If you don't, you'll subconsciously feel inferior, and before you know it, that will outwardly manifest itself as nervousness. Make sure you're properly groomed and dressed better than the people you expect to meet.
4. Listening skills
Just because you're the one doing all the talking doesn't mean you're the most confident. Shut the hell up and listen for a change. By only opening your mouth to ask open-ended questions, you'll be letting her do most of the talking. Not only does this help conceal your nervousness, it gives the woman you're speaking with something else to focus on — in this case, herself. She'll think you're a great conversationalist if you just let her do all the talking.
And remember: When responding, don't make a congressional speech; keep it short and simple, especially when you first meet someone. The more you open your mouth, the greater your chance of saying something dumb, which in turn will cause you to get nervous, which in turn will lead to a negative state of mind, which in turn will lead to lower confidence, which in turn leads to more nervousness, which in turn leads to more stuttering... Get the snowballing point?
Just because you're confident today doesn't mean you will be so forever, or even tomorrow for that matter. Similarly, just because you lose your confidence doesn't mean you've lost it for good. It's important to manage your expectations with a realistic outlook. By doing so, you'll make it easier to rebound from harsh situations. We are very social animals; unfortunately, this leads many of us to place great importance on other people's opinions. For this reason, it is very easy to go from super-confident to flat-out depressed based on someone's comments. The secret to surviving criticism and rejection is to expect it and not take it personally when it happens. Remember: You will encounter people who don't like you, and when this happens, I recommend that you don't give a damn about it.
Improving your social skills will definitely have a large impact on your confidence. Many people spend years perfecting their social expertise, so you should do the same with your confidence and social skills. Practice your icebreaking skills by following this schedule:
Week one: Resolve to smile at five people on a daily basis, and don't limit yourself to beautiful women. Get in the habit of being more amicable toward both women and men, whether they're beautiful or not so good-looking, short or tall, skinny or fat, old or young.
Week two: Follow the same routine as week one, but add a "hello" to your smile.
Week three: After you smile and greet people, you'll begin to feel comfortable enough to spark up small talk with friendly strangers in places like elevators or lineups. Before you know it, you'll be making small talk with just about any woman. Once you come to the realization that a woman is open to your friendliness, go ahead and break the ice by saying something like "Boy, it feels like this line is moving backward" or "I never thought the elevator would get here so quickly. It usually takes forever."
Week four: Once you practice the art of small talk for a while, you're going to discover something odd — confidence will become a part of your being! So keep it up. And if you ever encounter an antisocial individual who rudely ignores you, don't worry. Just remember element number five (volatility) and don't give a damn about it.
7. Financial stability
The final element is not as important as the others, but given the historical role men have played in being the breadwinner, most feel the pressure of being financially successful in order to win a woman over. This said, you don't have to be a millionaire, but having some sort of direction, determination, goals and financial stability will eliminate some of that stress and build your confidence that much more.
Confident vs. Cocky
Before I leave you to run free in the streets with your newfound self-assurance, be aware that there's a very fine line between confidence and cockiness. Make sure you know the difference and are smart enough to avoid the latter. The difference lies in the internal drive behind each. If you are naturally confident, it will effortlessly shine through in your demeanor. However, if you pretend to be confident — by bragging about your car, your job and how great a lover you are — you'll come off as cocky. Remember: Cockiness accomplishes the exact opposite of what confidence does — it's a turnoff to women. And that, my friends, is hardcore advice coming straight from the dating battlefield.
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