How Can I Move On without Him?

My husband and I have a court date set for this week, and it's all I can think about. I wake up nervous and sick. What I really want is for him to call this divorce off. When we are alone we are fine, and I know that he still cares for me. The thought of seeing him with another woman makes me cry. How will I ever get through this? I mean, how do you just stop loving someone? How do you make the hurt stop ruining your life, especially when talking to him doesn't help? Please tell me, what can I do besides pray that he will come back to me? --from kccash2000

Best-selling author Debbie Ford led the four-week Surviving Divorce Love Lesson. Do your assignments and get advice about divorce from other women like you on the Surviving Divorce message board.

Dear kccash2000,

I can feel your pain, and I know that you are going through a very dark time right now. I want to assure you that I have known thousands of women who have not only survived situations such as yours, but have also grown tremendously as a result of their pain. What I can promise you is you will survive too, and that if you choose to grow and heal from this experience, you will enter into a life that far surpasses anything you have known.

First, let me answer your question. To pray that your ex will return is to put your happiness in the hands of something outside yourself. Instead, if you want to pray, search for the peace and contentment to accept what is.

In fact, the first three steps I recommend to everyone going through a divorce are acceptance, surrender and guidance. After you can accept, you need to surrender. This means saying, "I may not like what is happening right now, but I will allow it to be. I will trust that these lessons, while painful, are ultimately here to lead me to the highest expression of myself."

Here are two ways that you can make the surrendering a little easier on yourself:

  • Investigate the possibility of joining a support group. It is an act of self-nurturing to allow others to support you while you are in a difficult time of transition. Almost every church or temple has a support group for divorcing couples.
  • Every morning when you wake up, ask yourself, "How can I be kind, caring and loving with myself today?" Although it may seem as though your ex coming back would be the balm to soothe all your wounds, your ability to heal and grow from this experience resides inside of you.

Sending you love and blessings,

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