How do I overcome my inhibitions?

Dear Dr. Patti:

My problem is how to shed my inhibitions during sex. Although I love having sex with my boyfriend and we do it whenever we can, I just can't seem to get rid of my shyness. I am too shy to tell him how to kiss me "down there" the way I want to be kissed. I also want to "play games" while making love, but I don't know how. I would appreciate any help.



Dear R:

Congrats for your courage in expanding your sexual horizons. I sense that you are on the point of bursting out of your shell, and just need a little boost. So here it is!

First, if there is sexual trauma or scarring from your past that needs to be healed, handle that before you pressure yourself further. There may be an incident or a series of girlhood issues that have become the ghosts inhibiting your freedom. Seek competent professional counseling to heal those demons. Then you will be ready to explore the world of sexual experimentation that you deserve.

It's difficult for some women to claim their right to pleasure, regardless of where that takes place. Because of the shame and guilt that some women feel about their sexual anatomy, such as over the smells and tastes that emanate from the genital region, it can be embarrassing for them to deal with the intimacy of oral sex. Taste your own juices first, to be sure that you know the state of your hygiene and are familiar with your natural scents. Experiencing your own sexual secretions may help you to overcome that shyness about directing his oral forays.

I suggest that you watch some instructional videos to help break the ice about what you like and don't like. In fact, why not invite him to a romantic dinner and use videos as the evening's entertainment? I just reviewed one that's super: "The Complete Guide to Oral Lovemaking," which can be ordered from Pacific Media at (800) 262-7367 or (818) 341-3156. Be sure that you know what specific techniques make you sing, and use your own hand to guide his mouth on your soft tissues. It's not only okay to tell your lover what pleases you, it's the only way that makes sense.

As for the "games" you want to play, I am not sure what you mean. Perhaps write me another email with more details, and we can address those concerns. Above all, give YOURSELF permission for takeoff -- and have a great flight!