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Is there a more horrible feeling than rejection? It's an experience that everyone goes through at least once in a lifetime. Being left can be devastating. It hits nerves that you did not know even existed. It can also bring back the memories of previously failed relationships. Compounded, these horrendous feelings can lead to unbearable emotional pain.
The good news is that we all survive. After the emotional turmoil subsides, we usually end up in a better place. Slowly, we understand why the relationship did not work and we open ourselves up to a better choice of partner. With experience, we learn what our needs are and choose a person who will be more suitable as a life partner.
Unfortunately, not all of us are quick learners. Some of us pick the same kind of individual time after time. We find ourselves feeling comfortable with a certain type of person and keep replaying the same relationship -- while expecting different results. The people we choose might not look alike, and they have different names, but they all have similar characteristics. It’s amazing how many otherwise intelligent people repeat the same mistake. Hopefully, after banging their heads against the wall, they will move on and find their Mr. or Ms. Right.
I understand there has to be a healing process at the end of any relationship of emotional intensity. I am not suggesting that anyone try to find an instant replacement when a relationship fails. These quick comebacks are usually doomed to fail. On the other hand, this doesn't mean you should sit at home watching reruns of The Wedding Planner or Law and Order. You have to make a conscious effort to get yourself out in the world looking your best as soon as possible.
I'm not saying you should jump back into the dating scene. I'm only proposing that you make your world larger, not smaller. Develop a bigger cast of characters as friends. Who knows where the most casual relationship can lead?
And what better time to be single than the beginning of summer? This is wedding season, the time of year that love is in the air. Weddings can be great fun and a perfect place to meet new people. Who doesn't look his or her best at a wedding? If there ever were an opportunity to get decked out, this is it. It's a wonderful chance to show off your good looks and home in on your social adeptness. Experiment with new makeup. Try a new hairstyle. Wear a dress that is bolder or brighter than you would usually pick. This is also the chance to splurge on a pair of shoes with a daring high heel. Nothing makes legs prettier or a woman sexier than a great pair of heels.
Then there are the summer barbecues, pool parties, dinners at sidewalk cafes and invites to weekends at the beach. Do not say no to a single invitation. Think of every request as an opportunity to practice your social skills.
You must be ready to start over. Start by making a list of things to do for your new found life. Here are a few suggestions:
• Happiness is an inside job. See a shrink if you can. This can give you clarity and help you see any negative patterns you have developed. If a therapist is not available or you simply can't afford to see one, you always have your good friends. Just talking aloud will make you aware of your behavior. You will be amazed how cathartic a great conversation with good friends can be.
• Your outward appearance counts too! It's your own personal advertising campaign. Your appearance speaks volumes about you, your life and your personality. This means you must develop you own personal style, look your best and always smile. I guarantee you'll be a person who turns heads.
• Play with your hairstyle. Cut it short and chic, or grow it long. Don't be frightened to make a statement.
• Change your hair color. Pick the color that makes you look your most beautiful. The color that flatters your skin tone usually gives contrast to your skin color and shows off your eye color. Be bolder than normal with your color choice. Hair color fades quickly in the summer months. It's the perfect time to experiment.
• Protect your skin. Use sunblock at all times. Use makeup or self-tanning bronzers to maintain a summer glow.
• Pamper yourself. Manicures and pedicures are always important, but are essential in summer. They are the finishing touches that can make a huge difference in your overall appearance.
Will looking good guarantee that you will find the perfect mate? Absolutely not! But it will get you noticed and you will never feel invisible. Always look your best. Be noticed. Soon, the right person will want to know the inner you.
Louis Licari, the self-proclaimed "King of Color" believes the right hair color can lift a complexion and take years off a woman's face. From actresses to runway models to business women, devotees flock to his New York and Beverley Hills salons for highlights and color. Got a question for Louis? Visit his expert page to send him a question!
Plus
• Before you make a drastic change, use the Virtual Makeover tool
• The effects of a good hair day
• How to choose the right hair color
