When adultery shatters their relationship, both partners lose something. The betrayed feel as if they will never be able to trust or love wholeheartedly again. The betrayers feel they will never again find such flawless, undemanding love.
Both sides must mourn these losses before they can change and move on. Like any grief, the sorrow for a dead relationship goes through stages: denial, anger, guilt and acceptance. All stages must be experienced before couples can find forgiveness and rebirth. The process requires great courage, determination and stamina nor--nobr but the reward is lasting Real-Life-Love. You cannot ignore or obliterate these feelings. You cannot forgive and reform your life while you are ruled by resentment, bitterness and hurt. You can't deny your emptiness, although a sad number of people try to do so.
What the Deceived Must Do to Heal
Allow yourself to grieve for your old untarnished relationship. Read more ...
What the Betrayer Must Do to Heal
First of all, you must renounce the adulterous affair in order to rebuild the marriage. No change in the relationship can occur as long as one partner keeps running to an escape hatch. Read more ...
- Allow yourself to regret the end of your old untarnished relationship.
- Do not, however, dwell in the past, sighing about how wonderful things used to be. Obviously, matters were not perfect, or no affair would have taken place!
- Acknowledge both the good and bad aspects of the marriage and your contribution to each.
- Understand that your spouse is hurting too. It can be extraordinarily hard to abandon an affair. At the very least, your mate will miss the excitement and the uncomplicated passion and enjoyment -- the feel-good, chocolate-cake aspects of extramarital love. What's more, an unfaithful partner will feel guilt and sorrow for the pain inflicted on the spurned lover.