How to Look on the Bright Side of Divorce

2. Your Emotional Divorce

Feelings such as fear, grief, anger, and even hatred are common, even "normal," during a divorce process. Many therapists suggest that you allow yourself to fully experience these feelings, then let them go when they've served their purpose -- which is to mourn the death of your relationship. Dr. Fisher recognizes that: "It's tough to let go of the strong emotional ties which remain from the dissolved love union. Nevertheless, it's important to stop investing emotionally in the dead relationship," he continues.

Your emotional divorce probably began months or even years before one of you decided to make it official, but your emotional divorce won't be complete until you let go of the bitterness and the battles of your dead marriage. The bad news is that some people will never divorce themselves emotionally from their former spouses, keeping alive their anger and resentment from the past to the point where they can't truly experience happiness in their present lives.

You may get some transitory feelings of satisfaction from directing your self-righteous anger at "that rotten so-and-so you had the misfortune to marry," but think of what that anger is costing you. Is it really worth it? A wise friend once told me: "You can either be self-righteous, or you can be happy; you can't be both."
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