How to Reach Orgasm -- Sex Advice from Tracey Cox

...and how

  • Do you have the right mindset? In order to orgasm, you have to really want it. If you're thinking negative thoughts—I shouldn't be doing this, my body isn't good enough, he doesn't really like me—of course it's not going to happen. The brain is a sex organ: you need to have your head straight before your body can respond.
  • How do you secretly feel about sex? Look at your childhood influences. Most women learn how to orgasm through masturbation. If your parents told you sex was bad, chances are you didn't feel comfortable touching yourself as a teen. If you still find it uncomfortbale to masturbate now, try normalizing it by calling masturbation (and even sex if necessary) by another name. Using a word your brain doesn't instantly associate with "bad" can make it less threatening. Try calling sex "having fun" and masturbating "giving myself a present," for example.
  • Go shopping. To complete the program, you'll also need the right tools. Go online or brave a store downtown to buy a simple, but powerful vibrator (the non-penetrative type that works specifically on the clitoris) and some good quality lubricant (available at any pharmacy). Nervous about sex-toy shopping? Start by browsing my guide of what's what.
  • Have a vibrator orgasm so you know what you're aiming for. Some therapists will advise you against doing this; they'll tell you to masturbate with your fingers first, leaving the vibrator as a last resort. While I agree that it's crucial you're able to orgasm using your fingers eventually, a vibrator is indisputably the most reliable and most efficient way to let yourself experience the feeling of orgasm. Simply hold the toy against the closed labia (lips of the vagina) at the top end so you're vibrating the clitoris underneath. Try rolling the vibrator, holding it at different angles and varying the speed and force, until you feel a build up of pressure. It really is as simple as holding it where it feels good... and keeping it there.
  • Like this? Want more?
    preview
    FILED UNDER:
    Connect with Us
    Follow Our Pins

    Yummy recipes, DIY projects, home decor, fashion and more curated by iVillage staffers.

    Follow Our Tweets

    The very dirty truth about fashion internships... DUN DUN @srslytheshow http://t.co/wfewf

    On Instagram

    Behind-the-scenes pics from iVillage.

    Best of the Web