How to Retrain Your Lover

Step 4: Ask Attractively for What You Want

Congratulations! You're now halfway to ''retraining'' your lover to meet your innermost desires. I hope you had fun practicing getting his attention and complimenting him as discussed in weeks one and two. These are lifelong habits that you can apply for maintaining and increasing pleasure, fun and happiness. The next step now is the actual asking part. The goal this week is how to make your sexual and romantic desires known to him in the most attractive fashion, so that he'll be motivated to change his ways and please you more. I'll let you in on a little secret: Attractive to us guys means (a) encouraging (versus critical) and (b) fun, or the possibility of fun.

Let's say you want to go out more. While sitting in front of the TV, you say something like, ''I can't remember the last time we went out for a special night. Why don't you take me out anymore?'' If you're lucky, your man will merely sit there quietly and not respond. With that kind of conversation-starter, you can bet he won't jump up and transform into Mr. Romantic Evening Planner. However, if you were to say something like, ''I was just thinking of that night you took me out dancing a few months ago. We had such a great time. Why don't we take a little ride, catch the sunset and maybe get a little something to eat on the way home -- you pick the place. What do you think?'' Now this sounds both encouraging and fun!

What really makes this work is that the woman in the above example is asking for what she wants -- a night out -- without telling her man exactly how to do it. Men really do want to please their women, but they want to be in control. Men enjoy producing and take great pride in their productions. If you tell us how to do it, it takes the fun out of it for us. It also makes us feel bossed around. Let your man use his imagination to please you, and you may discover a whole new, romantic side to him!

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