How to Walk Away -- Once and for All, Advice from the Dating Doyenne

"I've decided that I must detach myself from the guy I've been seeing, but I need help sticking to that. He cannot commit to me, and I'm devaluing myself by staying involved. He knows that I want and need more, but his actions and lack of response to my needs tell me that he doesn't care about us as deeply as I do. I think he is just addicted to the chemistry, the passion and the sex.

I'm not usually one to partake in intimacy unless I'm in a committed relationship, but that's where I messed up this time. I know that I need to stay busy with friends and work right now in order to keep my mind off of him. But I'm afraid I won't stick to it. He is my weakness. I've tried once before to walk away and I wasn't strong enough. Please give me any advice you have on this matter!" --iVillager sillyme11


Sherry Amatenstein

Sherry is the author of The Q&A Dating Book and Love Lessons from Bad Breakups. She has taught dating seminars, appeared as an expert... Read more

I both applaud your determination to end this soul-sucking relationship and understand your difficulty in doing so. It's hard, especially in these uncertain times, to walk away from a relationship, no matter how unfulfilling.

To strengthen your resolve to do what will ultimately make you happy, I urge you to think ahead. Five years ahead. Yes, fast-forward your brain. It's 2009, and you're still scared to leave this guy for the reasons cited above. He's still stringing you along, promising nothing but his body. Is this a scary thought or what?

To prevent such a doomsday scenario, leave the relationship and do the things you mentioned -- hang out with good friends, work out at the gym, work harder at your job and perhaps do volunteer work (helping others will make you feel better about yourself). Whenever you are tempted to fall back into his bed, just repeat your new mantra: "2009, 2009 -- no way!"

Good luck.

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