How to Write a "Kiss Off" Letter to Mr. Wrong

What do you do with "decades of bad dates," a sense of humor and some serious frustration with the opposite sex? If you're Muara Johnston and Erica Dankoff, you pour out your feelings into dozens of hilarious -- but never mailed -- letters to your exes and include 'em all in a new book called Kiss-Off Letters to Men. If you're having trouble getting through a dating disaster of your own, check out two of their sassiest suggestions for letter therapy that works.


Dear Uncultured Slob,

After the movie last night I asked your opinion and your very intellectual response was "it sucked." I hardly think that's an appropriate review for Casablanca. Few good movies contain martial arts, androids, or Pamela Anderson. It seems to me a little more thought could have gone into your answer. Then again, it was par for the course. Every time we attend any cultural event or discuss literature, poetry, or art your response is the same. Just a note for you: On the list of the worlds' great museums you won't find the National Football League Hall of Fame.

I now realize you don't appreciate art because you just don't get it. That's okay: I'd be happy to enlighten you. But your inability to confess your ignorance is even more annoying than the machismo you think you project. You just sound stupid. Then again, maybe you are.

I can recommend some books on aesthetics or even a community college course, but the first step to your cultural awakening is admitting you have no class.

Off to the ballet,

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