The Ex Factor: How Your Friends Help You Survive a Breakup

But what if my friends are wrong?

Q: Dear Greg,

My boyfriend and I broke up three months ago after being together for almost four years. Even though it was a mutual decision, I'm wondering if it was the right one. My friends all think I need to get on with my life because I've spend my whole adult life with him (I'm three years out of college, which is where we met). They say I've been living in a vacuum and they're sick of hearing about it and never really liked him that much anyway. But the more I dissect it with them, the more I think they're wrong and just tired of hearing about it. What do you think?

Tamara

A: Dear Tamara Never Comes,

Here's the thing people forget: You are also in a relationship with your friends. These relationships will ultimately prove to be more profound that the one you just came out of, and right now, they are certainly more important. Your friends want what's best for you, and you need to recognize that they've been living through your relationship for as long as you have, because friends care about and share in each other's lives. So accept their opinions and move on. Not only should you trust your own instincts that getting out of the relationship was the right move, but the fact that your friends are backing your decision should only make you feel better about it. You should also trust your instinct when it tells you your friends are sick of hearing about your breakup. Give it a rest and take advantage of the other great things that good friends have to offer: fun, laughter, clothes to borrow, and best of all, activities that have nothing to do with your ex.

Excerpt from It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken: The Smart Girl's Breakup Buddy, © 2005 by Greg Behrendt and Amiira Ruotola Behrendt. Used with permission from Broadway Books, an imprint of Random House.

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