I can't shake the feeling that we'll get back together!

Dear Sherry,

My ex-boyfriend treated me terribly and broke my heart, but I can't shake the feeling that we will be together again. I dream about him changing, and the two of us working things out for good. Friends say to let it go, but how do I just move on?

One reason I can't let go is that he did hard drugs. First of all, I think that his other bad behaviors came out because he was always high. I keep believing that he really loved me; the drugs made him "bad." Also, even though this addiction caused so many problems, I can't help but think I should be there to help him recover. Please tell me what to do!

--from lovinya


Sherry Amatenstein

Sherry is the author of The Q&A Dating Book and Love Lessons from Bad Breakups. She has taught dating seminars, appeared as an expert... Read more

Your boyfriend did you a favor by breaking up with you. You are wasting precious time on a relationship that will never be healthy. I know that's difficult to hear when you've been with someone for a long time, but if he is not treating you well, you don't need him. Plain and simple. Plus, if he uses drugs, they are his obsession. Anything that gets in the way of that "romance" will be brutally pushed aside.

First, ask yourself why you got drawn into a dysfunctional relationship. Go deep into your heart and find out if you think you deserve better. Also, ask yourself why you stayed in the relationship for so long. Are you afraid of losing him, or of being alone? These are hard questions, but until you feel worthy of someone who will treat you well, you will only attract people who treat you badly. And the most important thing you can do is love yourself, get to know yourself and respect yourself! Then and only then will you be ready for a relationship. I cannot say this enough -- don't try to persuade him to change his mind, and don't take him back if he comes to you. As history has proven, the two of you together is a lose-lose proposition.

Best of luck,

Need Advice?
Get answers from iVillage experts and other moms just like you!
Question Details
  1. Pick a subject:
Connect with 1,039,394 members just like you
Share your knowledge, ask questions.