I Climax Too Quickly. What Can I Do?

I have a great sex life, but there is one major problem: Sometimes I have an orgasm after only a few minutes of sex. It feels great, but I cannot help but feel embarrassed. Do you have any ideas about how I can last longer before climaxing?

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Ruth Westheimer

The original sexpert, Dr. Ruth has given advice for more than 20 years. She's hosted television shows including Sexually Speaking with Dr.... Read more

If your only problem is that you feel embarrassed, then my advice is simple: Stop worrying about it. The point of sexual activity is to achieve sexual satisfaction, so as long as you reach that end, you've got nothing to be embarrassed about. This situation would be different if you were a man. When a man ejaculates too quickly, that puts an end to intercourse, which can be embarrassing if his partner needs him to continue in order to become sexually satisfied.

But as a woman, your partner can continue having intercourse with you even though you've had an orgasm, so that eliminates most of the reason you might feel embarrassed. Now if your partner has not had an orgasm and wants to continue, you may get sufficiently aroused to have another orgasm. But don't feel pressured into trying that. Many women are completely satisfied with one orgasm, and if you fall into that category, then there's no need to have another one. But as I said, you needn't stop having intercourse just because you've had your orgasm. The end result should be that both you and your partner end up feeling satisfied by the time you end the sexual episode. If that's what happens, that's a very good thing (and certainly nothing to be embarrassed about).

Of course, once you've had an orgasm, your level of arousal will probably go down. If that happens, you'll stop lubricating, which could make continued intercourse painful. If that's the case, don't be embarrassed and suffer in silence. Instead, tell your partner that you need to apply some lubricant to his penis. Most men won't mind this at all '- it's a very intimate and sexy act. And if he is close to ejaculating, he should tell you that, and then you won't need to add lubricant.

I'm curious: Are you letting your partner know that you've had your orgasm? If you're holding back out of embarrassment, then he, in turn, may be holding back too. For all I know, you are then faking a second orgasm later on. Do that often enough and he'll think he has to delay his orgasm, and then you'll both be continuing intercourse even though neither of you really wants to. So definitely talk to your partner about this '- not during intercourse, but at some other point outside of the bedroom.

Dr. Ruth K. Westheimer

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