Is it wrong for my husband to watch porn?

At this point, it's up to you whether you tolerate it or not. Plenty of women think the entire pornography industry is degrading to women. Having done a lot of stories on it, I think there are lots of women using the industry for their own ends as much as they are being used by it. In fact, there's a whole new breed of pornography made by women for women -- subtler and softer. There are no degrading scenes or silly performances by perfectly formed females who reach orgasm just by looking at an erect penis. Lots of women who've been dead against traditional porn find it quite acceptable. It's certainly not offensive.

The reason I'm pointing this out is that it's unrealistic to make a sweeping statement that all pornography is distasteful. Sure, a lot of porn is incredibly offensive, but not all of it is. I'm not sure banning your husband from watching porn is a good idea. It's obviously not working, and the problems getting worse. Instead of telling him he can't do it, why don't you say to him, ''Listen. I don't like the fact that you promise something you obviously have no intention of sticking to or the fact that you lie to my face and do things behind my back. For this reason, it's useless to forbid you to use porn. It's your choice. What I would appreciate, though, is that you keep it out of my sight and don't use the Web to look it up if there's a chance I'll catch you.'' If he sticks to his part of the bargain and you accept it has no bearing on his sexual or emotional feelings for you, it might cease to be a problem. I know this is hard for you, but at least try to think about what I've suggested.

Good luck!

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