'Jersey Shore': The Best Thing Since Sliced Bread

A few disclaimers (errr, confessions) before I get into the new MTV reality show Jersey Shore: I'm a Jersey girl. I've poofed my hair before. I've gone tanning (in a booth). And I've spent many summers hanging out at the Jersey shore, which includes but is not limited to Seaside Heights. In case you missed the first episode, here's what all the buzz is about: 

Meet the Cast

The Pad 

The Seaside Heights, N.J., home where Sammi, Mike, Ronnie, Nicole, Vinny, Jenny, Angelina and Pauly D are spending their summer could be described as a "budget Real World house" or "rustic chic." There's a sexy hot tub on the roof -- no swimming pool in sight, though -- and random furniture scattered around.

Mike -- known as The Situation for his rock-hard abs ("This is the situation") and Pauly D get Sammi to share a room with them. ("We decided we're going to bunk together. And then, what we're thinking is, we can bunk with a chick, and that'd be kind of cool," says Pauly.) There's one single that Vinny scores. We're assuming the rest of the cast ends up sharing the remaining space available.

The only thing missing from the place, says Ronnie, is a stripper pole. Despite that, he thinks that when he brings girls back to the house, they'll "melt in their pants" anyway.

The Housemates

But it's not all hot tubs and stripper poles: The cast -- like The Real World -- is expected to work: In true Jersey shore style, they'll share six-hour shifts at a T-shirt store on the boardwalk that their landlord owns. Angelina thinks the job is beneath her. "I'm a bartender. I do great things," she points out.

As they get to know each other, Nicole -- or Snooki, as she's known -- begins to freak everyone out. Three of the boys get into the hot tub. Then "Snickers" (since they can't seem to get her nickname straight) joins them while wearing only a bra and lace leopard thong, which Angelina thinks is in poor taste. Nicole should have opted for a thong bikini "because that's a little bit more classier."

Nicole then proceeds to hit on everyone in the hot tub -- Pauly D, Vinny, Mike, even J-WOWW. She yells at Vinny because she "wants to see his eyeballs" (in true Jersey shore form, he's wearing his sunglasses at night), asks Pauly D for a lap dance, then passes out on a hammock.

The rest of the cast hits the boardwalk, and Mike and Sammi hold hands. Could it be a love connection?

Nicole wakes up to find that everyone has left her, and attempts to drunk-dial her dad on the house duck phone that she can't seem to figure out how to operate. Dad hangs up.

They all wake up the next day to go to orientation for their job to find Nicole throwing up in the bathroom. They leave her and go to work. She eventually finds the T-shirt store on her own where she gets reprimanded by her boss for being late.

Back at the house, Mike makes everyone "sausage and peppers, and chicken, and salad," which leaves Pauly D a little confused because "girls are supposed to cook, and guys are supposed to eat ... because that's how it is." Vinny can't get through grace and keeps laughing. Then, Nicole apologizes for her drunken antics the night before -- which still has everyone weirded out.

Drama ensues when the guys call random girls off the street to come in (they're "semi-decent looking," after all). Angelina and Sammi go up to the roof to watch them in the hot tub "have fun" with the "trashy skanks" (their words, not ours), whom we later find out are only 20. The random girls take off their undies -- tops and bottoms -- and that sets the girls of the house on fire.

As they fight about it downstairs, Nicole (who's sleeping upstairs) hears them, erroneously thinks they're talking about her, and contemplates leaving the house in the morning. And who can blame her? There are some glaring similarities (i.e. underwear in the hot tub).

Then, the gang heads out to a club -- the boys throw on their Ed Hardy T-shirts, Nicole rocks a leopard-print dress and her poof because "it's guidette," Angelina wears short shorts, and J-WOWW steps out in acid-washed jeans and black boots over them (never mind that it's summer).

The Drama

Vinny doesn't care who he dances with whether "you're fat, you're ugly, you're old ... because it's hilarious." (The next morning he wakes up to discover that he has pink eye.) Also at the club, Angelina seems to cheat on her boyfriend when she leaves to "go somewhere more private" with a guy she meets there. She calls her boyfriend the next day to talk to him about it after being told by her roommates what she had done (alcohol and memory don't mix, after all). The boyfriend hangs up the phone before she can even say anything because he's at work and then proceeds to call him 23 times.

Nicole finds a "friend" and brings him home, but he ends up projectile-vomiting before they can even see the sunrise or make out. She takes him back home to his shore house, where he attempts to kiss her good night, throw-up breath and all. Not happening.

While they were out, J-WOWW and Pauly D "got real sexual." (Pauly D is okay with being that guy despite the fact that J-WOWW has a boyfriend.) After the club, the pair get in bed together where she discovers his pierced penis, they make out and she also "technically" cheats on her boyfriend.

But the true intrigue happens when the crew goes out clubbing another night and the budding puppy love between Mike and Sammi turns into a kiss. But, wait! Soon after, she makes out with Ronnie. Mike sees this situation going down and it tears him apart. Enter memory montage here with very sad music from their first two days of flirting.

J-WOWW and Pauly D "get real sexual" again. She takes off his shirt, then leaves the club with his shirt in her hand because "she doesn't want to cheat on her boyfriend." She goes home because she "felt like eating ham and drinking water." Why not?

Then randomly Vinny gets pushed by a stranger for no reason, which sets off Pauly D, who punches the guy. "Don't let the spiky hair fool you," he says. You'd think the party is over, but the boys find three "shiny tan" girls on the street to bring home. Angelina ruins their plan and insults the girls to make them leave. She gets into a fight with Mike and tells him, "Yo, I'm going to cut your hair while you are sleeping."

Plus: PHOTOS: Meet the Cast of MTV's 'Jersey Shore'

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