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Like previous hosts, Kimmel opened television's biggest night with a pre-taped video of him crying in a ladies' room stall. Kimmel was weeping about his overly Botoxed face to some of primetime's most popular actresses, including Kathy Bates, Mindy Kaling, Martha Plimpton, Connie Britton and a naked Lena Dunham. The ladies assured him that he was fine and could indeed get on stage -- but then offered to help beat the Botox out of him.
After a thorough beating from the actresses, Kimmel appeared on stage and launched into a four-minute monologue that referenced everything from PBS' hit period drama ("Downton Abbey is an amazing show … it really gives you a sense of what it must have been like to grow up in Mitt Romney's house") to a certain controversial fast-food joint ("Being a Republican in Hollywood is like being a Chick-fil-A sandwich on the snack table at Glee.")
Speaking of Downton Abbey, the late-night host also mentioned the predominance of British nominees.
"Television is an American institution, yet one out of every five actors here tonight is British. I guess we're supposed to award them because they went to Royal Shakespeare Academy and ours were discovered at the mall."
And in reference to the fact that cable shows dominated the nominations, Kimmel felt the reason was obvious. "None of the four major networks were nominated in the drama category. The Academy is sending a pretty clear message and that message is: Show us your boobs."
He also joked about how the night would require the nominated actors to once again employ their craft -- especially if they were, as he said "losers."
"Tonight you’ll be asked to perform your most challenging role yet, that of an actor who’s happy for the success of another actor."
Kimmel even poked fun at himself -- and his parents -- after losing the outstanding variety, music, or comedy series to Jon Stewart (whose Comedy Central show has now won 10 times). He pointed out his parents in the audience and said they had always told him he could accomplish anything he put his mind to. But since he failed to win the Emmy, he felt his parents had lied to him -- so he had security remove them from the theater.
Later he joked about Stewart ("I saw [Jon Stewart] backstage and saw him throw his Emmy into the garbage -- something to remember next year") and as the awards show entered its final stage, commented "I think I hear some stomachs rumbling, would anybody like to trade an Emmy for a hot pocket?"
So what did you think of Kimmel's job as Emmys host? Did he live up to your expectations?
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